


Butterflies

by mycroftpoppins



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Famous Harry, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 22:20:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15204683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mycroftpoppins/pseuds/mycroftpoppins
Summary: If he shuts his eyes, he can smell the sharp, rich scent of it when he cracks open the bottle, can taste the smooth, sweet honey-colored liquid as it slides down his throat. It’s about noon. He should be halfway to Tipsy Town by now.-----When Niall lands himself in court-ordered rehab, he has no plans of recovering... until he finds himself sharing a room with popstar Harry Styles.





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks, as always, to my lovely beta, Steph. I would not have written a single fic without you <3

Niall hitches his duffel bag higher on his shoulder and gazes up at the unassuming building of stone and wood. He'll be spending the next month of his life here.  
  
"I'm proud of you, son," Bobby says, clapping him on the shoulder.  
  
Niall looks over at him. He's not really sure proud's the right word for this moment. Niall's choices were rehab or jail. He chose rehab.  
  
"Let's get you checked in, yeah?" Bobby continues, using the hand on his shoulder to nudge him towards the door.  
  
Niall sighs and turns his attention back to the building. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't really want to be anywhere, except maybe home, in bed, in a drunken fog. His thoughts are too clear right now, the world a bit too sharply focused. He's not a fan of being this aware of his surroundings.  
  
He enters the building and heads up to the nurses station, a large, circular desk in the middle of the first floor.  
  
A man with fluffy brown hair spies him and grins.  
  
"Hello! Welcome to The Happy Place. I'm Ben. Will you be joining the Happy Family today?"  
  
Niall blinks at him and hands over the piece of paper he's holding that essentially signs his life away.  
  
Ben reads it over, smile slipping from his face. He looks back up at him.  
  
“Right. Well then. Let’s get you settled. Follow me.” He comes around from behind the desk and finally seems to notice Bobby still hovering.

“Sorry,” he says. “No visitors for the first three days. I do hope you understand.”

Niall looks to his father then. Bobby steps forward, giving him another clap on the shoulder.

“Take care, son. Listen to them, yeah?”

Niall swallows hard and nods. Bobby seems to assess him for a moment before he finally turns and leaves. Niall watches the door close behind him and hangs his head.

“Come along!” Ben says from behind him.

Niall turns his attention back to him. Ben motions towards a hallway that branches off to the left and Niall follows him to a windowless office at the end. It’s sparsely decorated, with a desk and chair shoved up against one wall and a couple of standard, crappy motivational posters hanging in cheap plastic frames. 

Ben shuts the door and Niall turns to him.

“Right then. I need to check your bag and your person for any banned articles.” He holds out his hand.

Niall eyes him for a moment before finally sliding the duffel off his shoulder and placing the strap in Ben’s outstretched hand.

Ben drops the duffel on the desk and unzips it, starting to dig through it. Niall shoves his hands in his pockets with a sigh, rocking back and forth on his feet. He can feel a headache starting to build behind his eyes. His last drink was two days ago and his body is far from forgiving him for it. He finds his thoughts wandering to the bottle of whiskey on his bedside table. If he shuts his eyes, he can smell the sharp, rich scent of it when he cracks open the bottle, can taste the smooth, sweet honey-colored liquid as it slides down his throat. It’s about noon. He should be halfway to Tipsy Town by now.

Instead, he’s here. In rehab. With a stranger pawing through his personal things and his life effectively out of his hands for the better part of the next month. Awesome.

“All right,” Ben says and Niall’s eyes snap open again. His duffel bag has been zipped up again, his razor sitting off to the side because of course they assume he’s going to want to slit his wrists while he’s here. Some ‘Happy Place’ they are.

“Turn your pockets out,” Ben says. Niall sighs and pulls out his cell phone and wallet, setting them on the corner of the desk before turning out his pockets.

Ben immediately snatches up his cell phone. “No personal phones. There are phones located just off the main lounge that you’re free to use during the posted hours. No phone privileges for the first three days.”

Niall just rolls his eyes.

Ben finishes checking him over and finally hands back his duffel before leading him out of the room. They make their way back up the hall and then up a flight of stairs just off the main atrium where there’s yet another hall.

Ben opens a door and motions in. “Your room,” he says. “You’ll be rooming with Charlie. He’s probably down at lunch with the rest of your group. The far bed is yours.”

Niall just stares at the sad, empty room. At least the beds are normal beds and not hospital-style beds. Small favors.

He moves to his bed and drops the duffel heavily onto it.

“Would you like me to take you to meet Charlie and the rest?”

Niall looks back to Ben and shakes his head.

“Well, let me know if you need anything. Your day starts at 8am. Breakfast is at 9am, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6pm. Lights out at 10pm. You’ll meet with your counselor weekday mornings at 11am and your group session is with me at 2pm. You can focus on getting settled in today and start tomorrow. Every morning, be sure to check the board to see what your daily chores are. Again, welcome to The Happy Place!” With that, he shuts the door behind himself and Niall is finally alone.

He lays on his back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. The headache is starting to become more insistent, spots dancing in front of his vision. It makes his body feel warm and he tugs at the collar of his shirt, trying to remind himself how to breathe. He just needs to get through these four weeks and then he can fall back into his drunken abyss. Four weeks. That’s all.

\-----

He wakes to the sound of the door opening and sits up, rubbing at his eyes.

“Oh!” the man in the doorway says, grin stretching across his lips. “Hello! They told me you’d be arriving today. I’m Charlie.”

“Niall,” he finds himself saying.

“What are you in for, then?” Charlie asks, plopping down on his own bed and blinking at Niall expectantly with his wide brown eyes.

“Alcohol,” he says.

Charlie nods sagely. “Figured. I’m in for coke, myself.”

Niall’s not really sure what the other man is expecting from him, so he stays quiet, waiting.

“You missed lunch,” Charlie says. “If you’re hungry, there’s a shop downstairs. They don’t really have much, but there’s some good munchies if you find yourself jonesing.”

Niall nods.

“You don’t really talk much, do you?” Charlie asks.

“No.”

Charlie laughs. “They’re going to eat you alive here. They’re all about _feelings_ … talking about them, writing them down, expressing them.” He shrugs. “Well anyways, I was just about to head to group,” he says, popping back up. “Are you coming?”

Niall shakes his head.

“Ok. See you later, then!” With that, Charlie snatches a notebook off his bedside table and heads out the door.

Niall blinks after him, making sure he’s gone before he gets up and hurries to the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet. He can feel sweat forming on his brow and he tries to focus on his breathing, in and out. He sinks back against the wall and shuts his eyes. What he wouldn’t give to feel the burn of a shot down the back of his throat right now.

 

\-----

 

Around 5:30, Niall’s stomach growls. By the time dinner rolls around, he doesn’t really have much of a choice but to head down to the cafeteria. He wonders if maybe he could get away with grabbing a plate and running back up to the sanctuary of his room to eat.

There’s already a line by the time he makes it down, so he joins it, gaze flicking around the room. It’s like every school cafeteria he’s ever been in, with large circular tables spaced out across the floor and brightly colored chairs arranged around them. Two of the walls are just giant windows with a view of the massive lawn stretched out on either side. They’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Niall finally makes it through the line, plate piled with what appears to be meatloaf and a side of mashed potatoes and green beans. Even the chocolate cake seems to be of dubious origins, just a pile of moist brown mush on the small plate.

He’s looking around for a place to sit far from everyone, still debating returning to his room, when a voice shouts from across the cafeteria.

“Hey! Niall! Over here!”

Niall turns to find Charlie waving enthusiastically at him, broad grin on his face. He glances to the entrance of the cafeteria and sees that there are, in fact, nurses standing watch over the patients. So probably no hope of escape then. He looks around again and sees that every table is nearly full and finally gives up, making his way over to the table Charlie is currently seated at.

Charlie pushes out the chair beside him as Niall approaches and Niall sinks down into it, glancing around at the hodge podge of people at the table.

“Everyone, this is Niall,” Charlie says. “Niall, this is Louis, Liam, Perrie, Jade, and Lauren.” He motions to each person as he introduces them. “Our group. They tend to encourage us to stick together for support.”

“Builds character or some shit,” the man identified as Louis pipes up. “What are you in for?”

“Alcohol,” Niall says, poking a bit apprehensively at the meat mound on his plate.

“Me too,” Louis says. “And pills.”

Niall doesn’t say anything, suddenly sort of out of an appetite and a desire to engage with other people.

“Food’s not gonna get any better, mate, and neither is the company,” Liam says from beside him. “So you might as well dig in and pretend you’re enjoying yourself.”

Niall looks over to him and Liam shrugs, shoveling a bite of meat mush into his mouth.

Niall pokes at his own food again, but his stomach gives an unpleasant flip at the thought of trying to digest it and he drops his fork onto his tray, pushing it away.

“Can I have your cake?” Jade asks.

Niall looks at her across the table, her big brown eyes gazing at him expectantly.

Niall waves his hand at it and Jade actually squeals, snatching the plate and placing it on her own tray. Perrie laughs beside her, seeming almost fond. They appear bright-eyed and healthy and Niall wonders what could possibly have two girls like that in a place like this. He drops his gaze back to the table, using his thumbnail to scratch at a spot where the vinyl is peeling up.

He hears Louis chuckle softly.  
  
"Kid, this place is gonna eat you alive."  
  
Niall doesn't really doubt that.

 

\-----

 

Niall wakes to the sound of trumpets over the intercom and kind of wants to shoot himself in the face. He grabs his pillow and pulls it down over his head, trying to drown out the cacophony. It doesn't work.  
  
He groans and pulls himself up, looking to the other bed as Charlie sits up as well. He smiles sleepily at Niall.  
  
"Good morning!" He says around a yawn.  
  
Niall just shakes his head and gets up, grabbing some clothes before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind himself. It only muffles the noise slightly but it's a start.  
  
He turns on the shower and strips down, stepping into the warm spray. His head is pounding and when he reaches for the shampoo bottle, he fumbles with it before it drops with a bang onto the floor. His hands are shaking hard.  
  
"You all right in there?" Charlie calls through the door.  
  
"Fine!" Niall calls back.  
  
He grits his teeth and clenches his fists, trying to will his body to behave itself. He bends down to retrieve the shampoo, head spinning, and he has to brace himself on the wall with his hand so he doesn't fall over.  
  
He breathes deeply, hands still trembling. He has to take it slowly, concentrating on tipping the bottle over and squeezing some shampoo into his hand before setting the bottle back on the shelf and lathering the shampoo into his hair.  
  
The bathroom suddenly feels far too hot. He reaches back and turns the water cold before stepping back into the spray. A chill runs through his body but he relaxes slowly with a sigh, shutting his eyes as he rinses his hair out.  
  
When he finally exits the shower and towels off, the trumpets are thankfully non-existent. He dresses as quickly as his hands will allow and finally emerges from the bathroom.  
  
Charlie is scribbling away in his journal. Niall ignores him and packs his pajamas back into his duffel. He goes to the window and opens it, breathing in the fresh air and trying to will his nerves and stomach to settle.  
  
When it's time to head down for breakfast, he's still not feeling quite up to par but thinks a glass of juice might ease his stomach, so he heads down with Charlie.  
  
Either Charlie isn't much of a morning person or he's finally figured out that Niall doesn't plan on talking because he's blissfully quiet as they make their way through the line.  
  
Niall gets a glass of apple juice and grabs a blueberry muffin on a whim, thinking he should at least try and eat since he can't remember the last time he did.  
  
The girls are already at the table when Charlie and Niall make their way over.  
  
Charlie exchanges pleasantries with them before they start chatting away about something Niall doesn't really care about.  
  
He sits quietly instead and picks at his muffin. His hands are still shaky so he focuses on keeping his movements slow, not wanting to draw attention to himself. He feels like a fucking invalid and the worst part is knowing exactly what could take the feeling away. After he nearly sloshes his juice all over the table and the others stare for a moment too long, he gives up and leaves, heading back to his room to sulk until his solo therapy session.  
  
He wants to skip it. He doesn't want to acknowledge that his feelings exist, let alone actually discuss them with someone who has no business poking around in them. He's tried it once already. He'd found more comfort in the bottom of a bottle. Talking brings everything rushing to the surface, makes him want to scream until he can't breathe. Drinking buries it away in a blissful fog. It's an easy choice.  
  
Still, when 11am rolls around, he knows if he doesn't go to therapy, they'll probably be looking for him. He'd rather not draw more attention to himself.  
  
He heads down to the first floor and finds his therapist's office on the same hall he'd walked with Ben the previous day. The door's open, so Niall walks in.  
  
There's a young man seated behind the desk, probably not much older than Niall himself. He has shaggy brown hair and glasses perched on his nose. He's currently perusing a file that Niall assumes is probably his.  
  
Niall knocks on the door and the man looks up, smiling warmly. He seems nice. Niall dislikes him already.  
  
"You must be Niall," he says, rising and walking around his desk as Niall enters. He holds his hand out for Niall and Niall shakes it. "I'm Andrew."  
  
Niall nods and Andrew motions to the couch.  
  
"Please, have a seat."  
  
Niall does as he's told. Andrew shuts the door and grabs a laptop from his desk, taking a seat in the chair across from him.  
  
"Are you getting settled in nicely?" Andrew asks.  
  
"Yeah." Niall says.  
  
"Making any friends so far?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Great! So, before we begin, do you have any goals for therapy? Anything you're specifically trying to overcome?"  
  
"No."  
  
Andrew nods. He types something into the laptop and eyes Niall for a moment.  
  
"You're not here by choice."  
  
"No."  
  
"Would you like to tell me how you find yourself here?"  
  
"It was either this or jail," Niall says simply.  
  
Andrew nods. "Right, but what event specifically led to that being a decision that needed to be made?"  
  
Niall sighs. "I’d rather not talk about it.”

 

Andrew steeples his fingers against his lips, seeming to assess him. “You know, Niall, this place is for people who want to be here. There’s a waiting list of considerable size and you jumped it because of a court order. I’m to report on your progress here, or lack thereof. If you don’t intend to cooperate, you can and will be sent to jail instead. Think on that before our session tomorrow. The choice is still in your hands.”

 

Niall swallows hard and doesn’t say anything. He’s not really sure how to respond.

 

Andrew gazes at him for another moment before standing. He sets the laptop aside and goes to a cabinet, pulling out a fresh notebook and a pen.

 

“If you can’t talk about it, try writing about it. Sometimes, it’s easier than saying it aloud,” he says, holding them out to Niall.

 

Niall stands and takes them.

 

“You’re free to go. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

 

Niall practically flees the room.

 

\-----

“You haven’t done your chores today,” Charlie says when Niall sits down at lunch.

 

“I forgot,” Niall mumbles.

 

“You should do them before group. Ben’s great as long as you don’t get on his bad side.”

 

“I think I’m already on his bad side.” Niall eyes his turkey sandwich and finally takes a bite. The bread’s a little soggy, but it’s not the worst thing he’s ever eaten. At least it seems to sit okay in his stomach.

 

“So soon?” Liam asks.

 

Niall looks at him. “No, Liam. We braided each other’s hair and gabbed about boys. I actually ended up here because I’m addicted to kindness.”

 

Louis snickers. “I’d rather be an alcoholic.”

 

Niall smirks at him.

 

\-----

 

Niall's not sure who decides chores but they obviously hate him. He's supposed to clean the communal bathrooms. Between the overall grossness and his nausea, he throws up twice before he manages to get them clean. So much for the turkey sandwich.  
  
He showers after, feeling like there's not enough soap in the world. His head is pounding and he curses whatever higher power landed him in this fresh hell.  
  
He gets out and dresses, wishing he had time to lie down, but he's already cutting it close to making it on time for group. He takes a few deep breaths and heads out.  
  
The others are already there when he arrives. There's a seat open by Louis and Niall takes it, figuring he's his best chance for an ally. He's slouched in his seat, arms crossed over his chest, looking for all the world like he'd rather be anywhere else. Niall likes that he doesn't try to fake it.  
  
Ben enters, grinning, and shuts the door behind him.  
  
"Hello, darlings. Lovely day, isn't it? How's my Family today?"  
  
Niall blinks as a few of the others respond. He can't be serious. This is... no. Niall is in the wrong fucking group. From the way Louis crosses his ankles and rolls his eyes dramatically, he is too.  
  
Ben sits in a chair in front of the semi-circle the others are arranged in. He perches his notebook on his lap and turns, with laser focus, to Niall.  
  
"Niall... Good to see you again. Getting settled in nicely?"  
  
Niall blinks at him, wide-eyed. He hates being put on the spot in normal circumstances. This is a new level of torture. Like someone took all of his worst nightmares and meticulously designed the perfect punishment for him.  
  
"Yeah," he says simply.  
  
"Great!" Ben jots something on his paper and Niall finds himself wanting to read the conclusions everyone seems to be coming to about him. He's barely done anything since he got here. What right do they have to judge him?  
  
He blinks, realizing the session has moved on. He's lost track of it. Jade is speaking now, reading from her own notebook. She sniffles and Perrie rubs her back.  
  
"I feel like I'm always at a fancy dress party and I'm the only one who knows it," Jade says. "'Look at me, everybody! I am Happy.'"  
  
Niall swallows hard. He knows that feeling all too well. It used to be a beer to get him feeling human again. Then it was two. Then it was half a bottle of whiskey and the hope of humanity lost somewhere in the void.  
  
"I don't want to feel like I'm pretending," Jade continues. "I want to feel like I'm me."  
  
Louis snorts and all eyes turn to him. "I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but the whole world is pretending."  
  
It earns him glares from the others, but Niall silently agrees.

 

\-----

  
After breakfast, he checks the chore board and is pleased to see that he's on cafeteria mop duty for the day. He'll take it.  
  
He waits for the few breakfast stragglers to head out and takes his time moving chairs and tables. It's a solitary job and he enjoys the silence. Any time that he's not expected to be interacting with people is positive in his book.  
  
Still, the hour ticks on and before he knows it, he's headed to therapy.  
  
Andrew smiles when he enters and Niall instantly feels a wave a dread wash over him. His hand shakes and he clenches his fist against his side as he takes his seat.  
  
"Hello, Niall," Andrew says as he sits in his chair. "How are you this morning?"  
  
"Good," Niall says simply.  
  
Andrew nods. "Ready to tell me how you got here?"  
  
Niall blinks at him. He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face, trying to ignore the fact that they shake as he pulls them down.  
  
"I'd been drinking. Took my brother's car out for a drive without his permission. Rear-ended a police car at a traffic light. Turned out it was a mate of my dad's. He let me off the hook if I agreed to get help, so here I am."  
  
"Why were you drinking that day?"  
  
Niall snorts. "Because I'm an alcoholic."  
  
"But why then specifically?"  
  
Niall groans. "My brother was being a prick. I didn't feel like dealing with him sober."  
  
"Did you argue?"  
  
Niall doesn't enjoy the direction this is headed. "That's why I left."  
  
"What'd you argue about?"  
  
"Can we not do this?" Niall finally says. "I told you why I'm here. It doesn't matter why we argued. We just did. It's how we communicate."  
  
"Have you always had a rocky relationship with him or did that come with the drinking?"  
  
"I seem to remember a few good years in the beginning before I could talk," Niall says, rolling his eyes.  
  
"So you're not close?"  
  
Niall laughs bitterly. "No."  
  
"What about your parents?"  
  
Niall freezes, suddenly on alert. "What about them?"  
  
"Are you close?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What's your relationship like with them?"  
  
Niall crosses his arms over his chest. "I think I'm done for today."  
  
Andrew eyes him for a long moment. "Have you been using your journal?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Try using your journal."  
  
"Sure. Whatever." Niall gets up and leaves the room before Andrew thinks of any further questions. He's kicking himself for letting the session get as far as it did.  
  
He feels the tremors running through his body and hurries the rest of the way to his room. He crouches in front of the toilet, throwing up until his stomach is empty.

 

\-----

 

Niall doesn't go to lunch but he manages to compose himself enough to head down and mop the cafeteria before going to group.  
  
Ben turns to Louis first. "Louis, you haven't shared anything in a while. Anything you'd like to discuss?"  
  
"Yeah, actually."  
  
Ben seems surprised but motions for him to continue. "Remember your feeling words."  
  
Louis sits forward, expression serious. "What exactly do they put in the meatloaf? Because I don't _feel_ like it's actually meat."  
  
Niall cackles and Louis smirks, relaxing in his seat again. Ben frowns at them.  
  
"Double chores for both of you tomorrow."  
  
Louis snickers. "Worth it."  
  
Niall muffles a laugh in his hand.

 

\-----

 

It's not quite so funny the following day when they find out they're on morning and afternoon stable cleaning duty.  
  
Louis shoves his rake into the hay, groaning in frustration.  
  
"We're paying them and they have the nerve to make us work. It's bullshit. This should be like a fucking hotel for the money we're paying. Where's the pool? And the massages? All I'm saying is, I'd be much happier if I felt like I was in a five star resort... instead of this dump."  
  
"How long have you been here?" Niall asks, digging at his own stall.  
  
"Got here three days before you did."  
  
"How'd you end up here?"  
  
Louis narrows his eyes at him through the bars. "How'd _you_ end up here?"  
  
Niall blinks at him for a moment. "Point taken."  
  
Louis nods and refocuses on the task at hand. They're quiet for a bit, just working steadily.  
  
"What's the dumbest thing you ever did while drunk?" Louis asks.  
  
Niall laughs. "Uhhhh..." He stops scooping, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck as he thinks. "Well, this one time, I sort of... broke into my own flat, forgot I had done it, and called the police the next morning."  
  
Louis cackles, leaning on the dividing wall between them. "Oh man. How'd you realize it was you?"  
  
"I was tellin my mates about it later that night and they told me."  
  
"Damn," Louis says, shaking his head.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
Louis snorts. "I once got kicked out of a pub because the band sucked so... I went up on stage, grabbed the mic, and started singing Look After You by The Fray."  
  
Niall laughs. "I'd pay good money to have seen that."  
  
Louis giggles. "I think my mates put the video on YouTube."  
  
"Nice." Niall chews on his lip. "I tended to wake up in weird situations. Like shirtless on my patio with half a hot dog still in my hand or this one time when there was a goat wandering my living room."  
  
"Where'd you get a goat?"  
  
"Not a clue."  
  
Louis nods. "I punched a guy for breaking into my car... Then I realized I was parked three cars over."  
  
Niall laughs. "Oh shit. What happened?"  
  
"I apologized and made a run for it and  never showed my face in that pub again."  
  
Niall shakes his head. "You and I could get up to some real shit together."  
  
Louis breathes out a laugh. "We could, yeah."  
  
They gaze at each other for a moment before Louis finally grabs his rake again and they get back to work.

 

\-----

 

Charlie leaves the following day. Niall doesn't really care one way or the other. He gets the impression Charlie wasn't his biggest fan anyway, after he started messing about with Louis. And now Niall's got the room to himself for at least a little while, which is nice.  
  
He's thrown a bit when, after group, he's told he has a visitor. He realizes then that it really is already his fourth day and he's also already lost track of time.  
  
He's not surprised when he makes it downstairs to find his father waiting for him. Bobby seems nervous, hands shoved in his pockets as he just sort of observes the hustle and bustle going on around him. When his eyes finally land on Niall, he smiles.  
  
"Hey," Niall says as he approaches, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I didn't know you were coming."  
  
"Course I came. Someplace we can sit?"  
  
"Yeah." Niall turns and leads the way to the rec room, taking a seat at one of the small tables tucked in the back. His dad sinks down across from him, wringing his hands on the table.  
  
"Getting settled in ok?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Really?" Bobby asks, eyeing him a bit skeptically.  
  
"Yeah. Made a few friends and everything," he lies. He's not sure he could call Louis a friend and the rest probably don't even like him.  
  
"Greg asked about you."  
  
Niall snorts. "No, he didn't."  
  
Bobby waits a beat, then sighs. "No... he didn't."  
  
Niall just nods, looking out the window. It's a nice day out. He kinda wishes he could go out and kick around a football for a bit, let out some of the pent up energy he suddenly has now that he's sober and cooped up in one place.  
  
"He does care about you, you know. He just needs to remember that."  
  
Niall looks at him again. "Don't come to me with that shit. Greg's never liked me, much less cared about me."  
  
"Niall, don't be like this. He's your brother."  
  
"And I'm not the one that needs reminding!" Niall snaps a bit more loudly than he means to. A few gazes flick their way and he groans and scrubs his hands over his face.  
  
Bobby is still watching him carefully when Niall looks at him again.  
  
"If you won't try and reconcile with him for me, do it for your mother," Bobby says.  
  
"Don't," Niall says. "Don't bring her into this."  
  
"Niall..."  
  
"Why did you even come here? Hmm?" Niall asks, glaring across the table. "To make sure you're getting your money's worth with this place?" He shoves away from the table, standing up. "Don't worry, _Dad_. It's worth every fucking penny."  
  
He storms off, hearing his father call after him, but he doesn't turn around. He can feel tears forming in his eyes and he curses himself for showing any kind of weakness.  
  
He shuts himself in his room, curls into a ball on his bed, and cries.

\-----

 

That night, Niall wakes with a start when his door opens. He blinks against the light streaming in from the hallway and groans, turning his face into his pillow. He hears the movement at the door stop for a moment before there's shuffling and the door shuts.  
  
There's a thud and a hiss of pain. The other bed creaks. It gets quiet again and Niall falls back asleep.  
  
In the morning, he almost thinks he dreamed it, but sure enough, there's someone in the other bed, somehow managing to ignore the trumpets blasting over the intercom. Niall just shakes his head and shuffles into the bathroom to shower.  
  
When he comes back out, the man is sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes. Niall stops in his tracks.  
  
"Holy shit," he says. "You're Harry Styles."  
  
Harry drops his hands, frowning at him. "Your point?"  
  
Niall shrugs, finally going to his duffel and shoving his pajamas into it.  
  
"Don't have one, I guess." He turns back to find Harry eyeing him warily. "I'm Niall."  
  
"Charmed, I'm sure," Harry says, rolling his eyes.  
  
Niall laughs and shakes his head. "Ben’s gonna love you," he says before heading out to breakfast.  
  
Louis and Liam are already at the table when Niall arrives. He sinks down beside Louis.

"You're not gonna believe who my new roommate is," he says.  
  
Louis looks at him. "Who?"  
  
"Harry Styles."  
  
"You're shitting me."  
  
"I'm serious. He's kind of a dick though."  
  
Louis snorts. "He's a popstar in rehab. Of course he's a dick."  
  
Niall snickers.

 

\-----

 

It's Saturday, so there's no therapy, which means there's a ridiculous amount of free time to try and kill.  
  
Niall never quite realized how far gone he was when he was drinking until he started to be far too aware of how the days drag now that he's sober. He'd spent so many days in the blur of alcohol that he didn't just lose track of time, he lost the whole concept of it. It's almost unfair that they pulled him from such a whirlwind life and dropped him into what is quite possibly the most boring place ever invented. It is the polar opposite of how he's used to things being and it's jarring.  
  
Luckily, after lunch, Louis comes round with a football his sisters brought for him on one of their visits. There's a small field past the back garden that they're allowed to use for rec activities and they manage to convince Liam, Perrie, and Jade to join them. Niall hasn't seen Harry since before breakfast or he might have asked him, just to be nice. Maybe. It's Louis and Niall against the others, since Louis's the best and Niall's ok.  
  
There's a light breeze and when they start running around, Niall feels oddly alive. It's been a while since he's been physically active and he gets winded a tad too easily, but the longer they play, the faster he feels the tension seep from him. They even get a rare bit of sunshine for part of the game.  
  
By the time they head back inside, they've lost track of points but it doesn't seem to matter to any of them. Niall's amazed when he realizes they made it through without any arguments.  
  
He and Louis end up in the TV room later with a group who have found a marathon of The Inbetweeners.  
  
He doesn't see Harry again until just before lights out. Niall's just finished brushing his teeth and is climbing into bed when Harry enters. They lock eyes briefly, but Harry doesn't say anything so Niall doesn't either.  
  
\-----  
  
On Sunday, Harry is up and gone before the trumpets, which Niall can't even fathom. He's not sure he's ever seen a day that early from this side in his life. He's stayed up that late, sure, but waking up early has never been his forte.  
  
It's raining, which shatters any hope he had of another footie match. It also shatters any hope he had of a peaceful day.  
  
He hadn't truly realized just how many people the place could hold until they're all cooped up inside, fighting for space and activities.  
  
It takes all of thirty seconds in the rec room for Niall to start feeling claustrophobic and retreat to his room. He's not actually sure what he intends to do, but it's better than being downstairs.  
  
He stops in his tracks when he sees Harry on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  
  
Niall laughs softly and shuts the door behind himself.  
  
"Not a fan of people either, then?" he asks as he goes to sit on his own bed.  
  
"Not really, no."  
  
Niall nods. "What are you in for?" he asks, just trying to make conversation.  
  
Harry finally looks at him, expression blank. "Why do you want to know?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "That's kind of the standard new kid question around here."  
  
"Drugs," Harry says simply.  
  
Niall scrunches his nose. "Really? I mean I don't know much about you but that's not really your image, is it?"  
  
Harry frowns. "What do you think would fit my image?"  
  
"Nothing that would land you in a place like this."  
  
Harry's expression becomes unreadable again. "Then you obviously don't know my image very well."  
  
Niall blinks at him. "Guess not."  
  
Harry gazes at him for a moment before returning his attention to the ceiling.  
  
Niall sighs and gives up, laying down and staring at the ceiling above his own bed.

 

\-----

 

Monday dawns bright and early and rain free. Harry's gone again by the time Niall wakes up. Niall wonders where he even manages to disappear to in a place like this. There aren't exactly many options. He's also not sure why he cares so much.  
  
In therapy, Andrew starts with the obvious.  
  
"You got a new roommate," he says.  
  
"I did, yeah."  
  
"How are you getting along?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "We're not."  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Niall snorts. "He's famous and he thinks he's above this place and everyone in it?"  
  
Andrew frowns. "That's not the impression I got from him this morning. Have you tried talking to him?"  
  
"A bit, yeah. It's getting him to talk back that's the problem."  
  
"What have you tried talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, really. Small talk."  
  
"Well, give him some time and maybe he'll come round."  
  
Niall just laughs.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall's amazed Harry actually turns up for group. All chatter instantly dies down when he walks in. He takes a seat across the semicircle from Niall. Jade whispers something to Perrie and they both giggle. Niall watches Harry watching them and catches the slight furrow to his brow and the way he shifts uncomfortably in his chair.  Niall looks at the girls but they don't seem to notice.  
  
Ben enters then and takes his usual seat at the front. "Hello, Family! I see we have a new member today!"  
  
Harry looks a bit like a deer in the headlights, just sort of blinking at Ben. Niall can't help the laugh that escapes him, but he instantly hides it in a cough when Harry's gaze turns to him. He shrugs a bit but Harry just frowns at him and looks away again. Niall rolls his eyes.  
  
"Damn," Louis whispers. "You weren't kidding."  
  
"No shit."  
  
"Something you two would like to share with the class?" Ben asks.  
  
Niall looks at him. "No, sir."  
  
"Actually..." Louis starts.  
  
Niall laughs and swats at him. "Can it before we get double chores again."  
  
Louis giggles.  
  
One look at Harry tells Niall he doesn't find their antics quite so amusing.  
  
Harry doesn't end up saying anything during group, but Niall wasn't really expecting him to. He doesn't say anything either.

\-----

 

Bobby attempts to visit again that afternoon. Niall refuses to see him. He pays the price for that decision the following morning.  
  
"You turned away a visitor yesterday," Andrew says.  
  
"Yeah. I did."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
Niall has a sneaking suspicion Andrew already knows.  
  
"My father."  
  
"Why'd you turn him away?"  
  
"Why does it matter?"  
  
"I should think you'd want the support while you're in here. Most people do."  
  
Niall laughs bitterly. "Who said anything about him being supportive?"  
  
"Did you have an argument?"  
  
Niall crosses his arms over his chest and looks out the window. "Yes."  
  
"Because he's not supportive?"  
  
Niall snorts. "Among other things."  
  
"What'd you argue about?"  
  
He finally turns back to Andrew. "Why does it matter? We argued. He's a prick. End of story."  
  
"Why are you here, Niall?"  
  
Niall blinks at him. "Haven't we been over this? I hit a cop car while I was drunk driving."  
  
"That's not why you're here. You could have chosen jail."  
  
Niall laughs. "Who the fuck would choose jail?"  
  
"Someone who doesn't care if they get better or not."  
  
Niall just stares at him.  
  
"Have you written in your notebook?"  
  
"No."  
  
\-----

Niall's amazed when Harry shows up for lunch. Honestly, he's sort of been wondering if Harry even eats. He's not really all that surprised when Harry gets his tray and heads for the exit. He's quickly stopped by a nurse who motions to their table. Harry looks over, scowls, and turns back to the nurse, motioning exaggeratedly with his tray. They bicker for a moment but the nurse doesn't seem to back down because Harry stomps to the trash, tosses everything, and storms out. Niall sighs and shakes his head.  
  
Harry doesn't show up for group.  
  
"Any idea where your roommate is, Niall?" Ben asks.  
  
Niall shrugs. "Fuck if I know. He always disappears."  
  
Ben frowns, but whether it's at his swearing or Harry's disappearing act, Niall can't say.  
  
He still doesn't bother participate in the discussion.  
  
\-----  
  
Harry's not at dinner and he's still not back when it's time for lights out.  
  
Niall lays in bed, chewing on his thumbnail. It's almost half an hour before he finally hears something outside the door. He sits up, trying to listen but the door is too thick to hear what the voices are saying.  
  
The door opens and Niall quickly lays back down. Harry slams the door shut. His bed creaks as he gets comfortable. There's a thud and another as he presumably kicks his shoes to the floor and then it's quiet.  
  
Niall stays awake far longer than he cares to admit, wondering about the man in the bed beside his.  
  
\-----  
  
In the morning, Harry's still in his bed, which throws Niall off. He's facing away from Niall so he can't tell if he's asleep or not and he decides to just carry on with his own morning routine.  
  
When he checks the chore list, he's surprised to see Harry has double chores. So last night it must have been a nurse he heard bringing Harry back to his room. He's selfishly pleased that this place doesn't appear willing to let Harry get away with his shit just because he's famous.  
  
Niall decides to give up on being surprised for the day when Harry shows up for breakfast and takes a seat at their table. He doesn't make eye contact and no one speaks to him. He eats in silence and leaves when he's done. He does the same thing for lunch.  
  
In group, Harry slouches down in his seat, arms crossed over his chest, and doesn't say anything to anyone.  
  
Niall doesn't see him again until dinner, which is a repeat of breakfast and lunch, but he's back in the room before lights out this time.  
  
Niall's flicking through an old issue of Rolling Stone someone left in the rec room and listening to Fleetwood Mac on his iPod when Harry walks in.  
  
Harry stops in his tracks in the doorway and Niall looks up.  
  
"Is that Fleetwood Mac?" Harry asks, motioning to the iPod.  
  
"Yeah," Niall says.  
  
Harry finally shuts the door behind himself and sinks onto his bed with a sigh.  
  
"I forgot my iPod."  
  
"Can you have someone bring it?"  
  
Harry smirks slightly. "In LA."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Rough." He thinks for a moment. "You can borrow mine if you like. When I'm not using it. Just make sure to charge it when you're done."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Niall nods. "I've got all of Fleetwood and a few other classics you might like if you like them." He laughs softly. "Even got a couple of your songs floating around on there, I think."  
  
Harry laughs. "Thanks," he says.  
  
Niall nods again and the pair fall quiet for a moment before Harry surprises Niall by speaking again.  
  
"What are you in for?" he asks.  
  
Niall sets the magazine aside. "Alcohol. Drunk driving and hitting a police car, specifically. It was this or jail."  
  
"Damn," Harry says.  
  
"Yeah." Niall eyes him for a moment. "What about you?"  
  
Harry's expression closes off immediately. "I'd rather not talk about it."  
  
"Ok," Niall chews his lip. "For what it's worth, I'm not judging you or anything. Not like I have any right to. We're both in the same place now, yeah?"  
  
Harry seems to assess him before speaking. "Yeah," he finally says.  
  
They fall quiet. The Chain starts on Niall's iPod and Harry smiles slowly.  
  
"Love this song."  
  
Niall grins. "Me too."  
  
Harry lays back on his bed and they spend the rest of the time until lights out quietly listening to Fleetwood Mac. It's the most at peace Niall's felt since he arrived.

 

\-----

 

Harry waits for Niall to head down to breakfast. He seems almost nervous as they head out, hands shoved in his pockets. Unlike everyone else, Harry's still dressed pretty normal, in jeans and a flowy button up. Niall's in a t-shirt and trackies like always. He can't imagine being Harry in a place like this though. He must feel like he's under constant scrutiny, being a world famous popstar and all.  
  
"Our group's not so bad," he finds himself saying as they walk. "Louis's pretty great, once you get past the attitude."  
  
"I'm not really here to make friends," Harry says.  
  
"Oh," Niall says, not sure why that stings.  
  
Harry seems to realize how that sounded because he looks over at him.  
  
"No offense. I just... don't want details of my stay here to end up in the tabloids."  
  
It slowly dawns on Niall then. "That's why you don't participate in group."  
  
Harry sighs. "Yeah."  
  
Niall chews on his lip. "I just don't want to talk in group. Not a fan of sitting around chatting about feelings."  
  
Harry laughs softly. "I think you're kind of missing the point of this place."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Yeah. Maybe."  
  
\-----  
  
Harry doesn't talk in group but he does sit beside Niall this time. Niall's not sure why he finds that comforting.  
  
After group, they head out together, only to find that they each have a visitor. Niall doesn't want to cause a scene in front of Harry but when he sees Bressie waiting for him instead of his father, he can't help the sigh of relief.  
  
He watches as Harry embraces a dark-haired woman that Niall can tell instantly is his mother. They have the same smile. He turns his attention back to Bressie as he approaches.  
  
"Hey, Bress. How's it going?"  
  
"I feel like I should be the one asking that question," he says with a laugh.  
  
Niall chuckles softly and nods towards the rec room. "Wanna go sit?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
They head down the hall and take a seat at one of the tables.  
  
"So..." Bressie says. "How are you?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "As good as I can be, I guess."  
  
"Making progress?"  
  
"Yeah," Niall lies.  
  
"That's good."  
  
Niall nods a bit.  
  
"Bobby says you turned him away."  
  
Niall stares at him. "No," he shakes his head. "Don't do this. Don't tell me you're only here because of him."  
  
"Come on, Niall, do you really think that little of me? He asked me to come, yeah, but I was already planning to see you."  
  
Niall sighs, running his fingers through his hair and looking out the window.  
  
"Niall... We're all worried about you. We just want you to get better, that's all."  
  
Niall swallows hard, emotions rising to the surface that he fights to keep at bay.  
  
"Yeah? Where have any of you been the past year and a half? None of you have wanted anything to do with me."  
  
"You know that's not true. It wasn't you. It was the drinking we didn't want to deal with."  
  
Niall shakes his head. "I think you should leave."  
  
"Niall..."  
  
Niall turns to him again. "I said leave."  
  
Bressie sighs. "Fine. Push away everyone who cares about you. See how well that works out for you." He stands and heads off.  
  
Niall doesn't watch him leave. He waits quietly at the table, staring out the window until he's sure Bressie is long gone before he goes up to his room to cry it out.

 

\-----

 

Niall's lying on his bed, staring into space, when Harry returns to the room a couple hours later.  
  
"Hey," he says quietly as he moves to sit on his own bed. "You ok?"  
  
Niall shrugs.  
  
"Do you wanna talk about it?"  
  
Niall arches an eyebrow at him and Harry laughs.  
  
"I'm just offering."  
  
Niall sighs. "I'm just sort of tired of everyone thinking they know what's best for me."  
  
Harry nods. "I know that feeling."  
  
Niall rolls onto his back, positioning his arm behind his head, and gazing at the ceiling.  
  
"It's worse now that I'm here. Everyone thinks being sober is going to magically fix all the problems that made me not want to be sober to begin with."  
  
"That doesn't make a lot of sense."  
  
"Try telling them that." Niall groans and buries his face in his hands. "I hate this," he mumbles.  
  
"Hate what?"  
  
Niall lets out another sigh and drops his hands again.  
  
"Everything. All of it. Being here. Being sober. Well... I like not feeling sick all the time, but the clarity that comes with it... It's killing me. The world is suddenly way too in focus. I'm aware of things I don't really want to be aware of."  
  
He falls quiet then, not really sure why he's revealing so much. He doesn't want to admit how good it feels to finally get everything off his chest.  
  
"I'm not here because of drugs," Harry says quietly.  
  
Niall looks at him. "I know."  
  
Harry's brow furrows. "How?"  
  
"We're roommates. I haven't seen you show one sign of withdrawal since you got here."  
  
"Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"Wasn't my business."  
  
Harry searches his eyes for a moment. "I... overdosed on pills. Since it was an OD, it was easy to convince the tabloids it was drugs so that's what we went with."  
  
"You really want people to think that about you? All your fans?"  
  
Harry shrugs, looking down at his lap. "The truth doesn't paint a very good picture of me either."  
  
Niall sits up then, gazing at Harry seriously. "Anyone who could judge you for it isn't worth your time."  
  
Harry swallows hard, meeting Niall's gaze. "Thank you," he says quietly.  
  
Niall nods. They're quiet for a moment, just gazing at each other before Niall finally speaks.  
  
"Wanna listen to some Fleetwood? Always makes me feel better."  
  
Harry smiles slightly. "Yeah. Sure."  
  
Niall grins and grabs his iPod, hooking it up to the speaker and putting his Fleetwood Mac playlist on shuffle.  
  
They stretch out on their beds and quietly enjoy the music together until it's time for dinner.

 

\-----

 

It's raining the next morning which means the whole place feels cramped again when they head downstairs. Harry seems a bit skittish and hunches into himself as they make their way to breakfast.  
  
"Gonna spend most of the day in the room?" Niall asks.  
  
Harry nods. "You?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Harry smiles slightly. "We can put on some music."  
  
Niall grins. "Definitely."  
  
\-----  
  
Andrew, predictably, wants to discuss Bressie.  
  
"Someone came to see you yesterday."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Old friend."  
  
"Not a current friend?"  
  
"Not since the drinking."  
  
"He came to see you."  
  
Niall shrugs. "Only because I refused to see my father."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"He basically told me."  
  
"Basically?"  
  
"Look, would I be an alcoholic if my life was all sunshine and daisies?" Niall finally snaps. "People who wanted nothing to do with me are magically reappearing trying to tell me how to live my life."  
  
"Did you ever think maybe they're trying to help?"  
  
Niall laughs bitterly. "That ship sailed long before the drinking started."

 

\-----

 

After group, Niall and Harry head back to their room. Niall tosses his iPod and speaker to Harry's bed.  
  
"You can pick the music, if you want."  
  
Harry grins and grabs the iPod, sinking down on his bed and flicking through it.  
  
"You have really good taste," he says after a bit, looking up at Niall.  
  
Niall's not sure why that makes a warmth spread through him. He blushes.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Harry smirks slightly and returns his attention to the iPod.  
  
After a few minutes, Niall hears the opening of Desperado.  
  
"Is that my playlist?"  
  
Harry nods, setting the iPod and speaker on the bedside table.  
  
"You had some really great bands. I couldn't decide."  
  
Niall laughs softly. "This playlist is a bit mopey."  
  
Harry shrugs. "I like mopey."  
  
He lays out on his bed and Niall lays on his own.  
  
After a quiet stretch just listening to music, Harry speaks, tipping his head towards Niall.  
  
"So what do you do for a living?"  
  
Niall looks over at him. "I work in a vintage music shop during the day and bartend at night." His brow furrows. "Though I suppose that gig is over now."  
  
"Vintage music shop?" Harry prompts, smiling.  
  
"Yeah. We sell instruments, vinyls, record players... that sort of thing."  
  
"Do you enjoy it?"  
  
"It's a job. I like getting to play the guitars when it's not busy though. We've had this red Gibson 335 from 1961 for a while now. She's beautiful. All original parts and a sound for every genre. Only about 1300 were made between '58 and '61. It's probably one of the rarest we've ever gotten in. Almost hope we don't sell it."  
  
"You play guitar?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "A bit. Nothing special. Taught myself with YouTube. Never had professional lessons or anything."  
  
"You don't have to have professional lessons to be good. Have you ever thought about doing anything with it? Like joining a band?"  
  
"Years ago, yeah. Haven't thought about it in a while."  
  
Harry arches an eyebrow. "You spend hours every day around guitars, teaching yourself to play them, and you don't think about doing anything with it?"  
  
Niall sighs. "A lot of things happened. It's not... It's just not realistic. Hasn't been for a while now."  
  
They fall quiet again.  
  
"Who's your favorite band?" Harry finally asks.  
  
Niall laughs softly. "The Eagles. You?"  
  
"Fleetwood Mac."  
  
"Nice."  
  
\-----  
  
The following morning, it's still raining. Just looking out the window makes Niall feel claustrophobic.

  
After breakfast, he and Harry retreat to their room. He's comforted with the thought that Harry's just as adverse to being downstairs as he is. It makes him feel just a bit more normal. It's not that he doesn't enjoy socializing, it's that he doesn't really enjoy meaningless interaction with people he doesn't know, especially now that he doesn't have liquid courage pumping through his veins.  
  
"So you've never told me..." Niall starts once they've got music on and are comfortable on their beds. "Why don't you ever hang out downstairs?"  
  
Harry arches an eyebrow at him. "Same reason I don't talk in group."  
  
Niall nods. "Fair enough."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Large groups of people make me feel claustrophobic, especially if I don't really know anyone. I mean our group's ok, but I don't know them well enough to rely on them, ya know?"  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
Niall chews on his lip. "It's nice though... being up here with you." He looks away. "It's nice to not feel alone."  
  
"I know the feeling," Harry says quietly.  
  
Niall meets his gaze. "Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. You're the only person here who treats me like I'm normal. I think everyone else looks down on me because I'm famous. Like... what problems could I possibly have?"  
  
"I don't give a shit about fame."  
  
Harry laughs. "Yeah. I could tell from the first day."  
  
Niall laughs and shrugs. "I'm hard to impress." He searches his eyes for a moment. "Your music's not half bad though. We play it sometimes in the shop. It's got a good vintage vibe."  
  
Harry blushes. "Thank you. That's what I was hoping for, really."  
  
"Listen... Don't worry about everyone else, yeah? Everyone's got problems. Just because you have fame and money doesn't mean you're not human. I don't know what landed you here, but it must have been pretty bad to end up in a place like this."  
  
Harry sniffles slightly, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah," he says quietly.  
  
"Fuck 'em then. Just focus on getting better."  
  
Harry nods. He swallows hard, taking a moment to compose himself.  
  
"Thank you. For everything."  
  
Niall nods. "Course."  
  
\------  
  
Later that afternoon, there's a knock on the door. Harry arches an eyebrow at Niall before getting up and going to answer it. Louis's leaned in the doorway.  
  
"Hey," he says, looking thoroughly unamused. "Ben wants us to gather for game time. Harry's off the hook because he has a visitor but Niall... he told me to tell you it's this or double chores." He rolls his eyes. "I already tried every excuse I could to get out of it so don't bother."  
  
Harry giggles. "Have fun, you two."  
  
Niall flicks him off which only makes him laugh before he heads off to meet his visitor. Niall groans and pulls himself up.  
  
"You really tried everything?" he asks.  
  
Louis snorts. "From 'I don't want to' to 'explosive diarrhea'."  
  
Niall cackles.  
  
When they get downstairs, he spots Harry in a corner having what appears to be an intense conversation with the man across from him, just based on the furrow to Harry's brow. He catches Niall's gaze but looks away quickly.  
  
Niall follows Louis to where everyone else is gathered, squished together at a table that doesn't appear to be meant for so many chairs. Awesome.  
  
Niall squeezes in between Perrie and Lauren. Louis's a couple seats over which doesn't bode well for Niall's enjoyment of this game. There's a stack of Uno cards in front of Ben which bodes even worse.  
  
Ben deals them once Niall and Louis are settled.  
  
"Everyone know how to play?"  
  
There's a chorus of yeses.  
  
Ben flips the first card from the top of the deck. A red 9.  
  
"All right. Liam, since you're to my left, you start."  
  
Liam puts down a blue 9. Niall sighs, slouching down in his chair. The noise in the room is already making his head spin and being crammed between two other people isn't helping.  
  
He finds himself glancing over to Harry again. Harry's frowning and Niall's brow furrows. It looks like it's going about as well for Harry as Niall's visitors go for him. He wonders who the man even is.  
  
"Earth to Niall!" Lauren says.  
  
Niall blinks. "Hmm?"  
  
"Your turn."  
  
Niall looks to the card on the table. Blue 7. He lays down a green 7 and glances back to Harry. He's talking now and from the exaggerated hand motioning and the still-present frown, it's quite possibly an argument.  
  
"Niall!" Perrie prods him and Niall returns his attention to the game, frowning when he sees a Wild Draw 4 staring back at him. He sighs and gets his cards from the pile.  
  
He tries harder to focus on the game after that, not really wanting the others to catch on to the fact that he's watching Harry. He's doing a pretty good job of not glancing over until, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Harry stand.  
  
His gaze flicks back to Harry's table. Harry's motioning again and Niall can tell people are starting to notice. The man at the table must say something to alert Harry to this fact because his mouth clamps shut, his eyes widen, and he finally hurries from the room.  
  
Niall doesn't even think. He sets his cards on the table and stands, chasing after Harry.  
  
Harry's already back in their room by the time Niall catches up with him. Niall knocks at the door before opening it.  
  
Harry's laid out on the bed and Niall hears him sniffling.  
  
"Hey," he says gently. "It's me."  
  
He shuts the door behind himself. Harry doesn't move, his face buried in his arms on his bed.  
  
Niall takes a chance, moving around to the other side of the bed. He sinks down on the edge and gently rubs his back.  
  
"D'ya wanna talk about it?"  
  
"They cancelled my tour!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
Harry turns his head to look at Niall. "They didn't even ask. They just cancelled everything, put out a press release about my 'well-being', and sent my manager to tell me."  
  
"Fuck, Harry. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Why am I here?" Harry sobs, wiping at his eyes. "Why am I trying to get better if they still won't let me tour? Do they not believe I can get better?"  
  
Niall swallows hard. "That's really fucked up. They shouldn't have done that, especially not without asking you. You're gonna get through this, though. And you'll have another tour eventually and you're gonna be amazing."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because I do. And if they're not going to be supportive, you can always find new management, you know. I may not know a lot about your career, but I know you're probably one of the most sought after artists out there right now. You'd find something better."  
  
Harry laughs bitterly. "Not when they all think I'm a drug addict."  
  
Niall laughs softly. "Please. Justin Bieber's still around. This is nothing compared to the shit he's done."  
  
Harry appears to think it over, picking at a thread in the duvet.  
  
"Maybe you're right."  
  
"I know I'm right."  
  
Harry looks up at him again. Niall swallows hard. He's not really sure what makes him do it, but he reaches out and gently tucks a strand of hair behind Harry's ear. Harry tilts his head into the touch and Niall's breath catches.  
  
When Harry's fingers clench in his shirt, Niall allows himself to be dragged down, their lips crashing together. It's desperate and a little bit sloppy and Niall revels in it.  
  
Harry rolls onto his back and Niall moves with him, trying not to break the kiss as he shifts on top of him. Harry spreads his legs and Niall stretches out between them, moaning against his lips as he feels the hard outline of Harry's cock against him.  
  
He grinds down and Harry throws his head back with a gasp, hands clutching at Niall's back.  
  
Niall presses kisses along his neck, nipping where it meets his shoulder.  
  
"Niall..." Harry breathes out and it's the most beautiful his name has ever sounded.  
  
"Fuck, Harry..." He kisses him again, their lips slotting perfectly together.  
  
Niall moves his hips again, the hard line of his own cock sliding against Harry's.  
  
Harry moans against his lips and it sends a shiver down his spine. He can feel the heat coiling in his stomach and it slowly dawns on him what they're doing. He breaks the kiss gently, gazing down at Harry.  
  
"We gotta stop. I'm about thirty seconds shy of coming in my pants."  
  
Harry blinks up at him. "Do you want to stop?"  
  
Niall swallows hard. "We should, shouldn't we? I don't... I don't want to take advantage of you."  
  
Harry blushes and leans up to kiss Niall, soft and sweet.  
  
"I'm fine," he murmurs against his lips before pulling away just enough to meet his gaze. "At this point, it's your hand or mine and I'd really rather it be yours."  
  
Niall moans. "Fuck." Any doubts he has slip away and he kisses Harry again.  
  
He slips a hand between them, undoing Harry's jeans. Harry helps him shove them past his hips just enough that Niall can reach into his briefs and wrap his hand around his cock. He thumbs over the slit, already wet with precome, and Harry arches into him, fingers digging into his back. Niall does it again and the moan Harry lets out is absolutely filthy.  
  
Niall giggles, kissing him softly as he starts to stroke him. "Shhhh. They probably heard that all the way down the hall."  
  
Harry blushes but manages to smirk. "Guess you're gonna have to kiss me to shut me up."  
  
"Gladly." Niall kisses him deeply as Harry bucks into his hand. He's warm and heavy in Niall's palm and Niall catches himself imagining what it would be like to have Harry inside him, filling him up. He has to derail that train of thought because it makes him so hard, it's actually painful.  
  
He continues to stroke Harry until one good twist has him spilling out over Niall's hand, suppressing a loud moan against his lips. Niall wipes his hand on the sheets as Harry relaxes against the bed, panting softly.  
  
Niall presses a kiss just below his ear and Harry pulls him tighter against him. It puts a delicious pressure on his cock and he gasps into Harry's neck.  
  
Harry kisses his temple. "Lie on your back."  
  
Niall takes a moment to compose himself before sliding off of him. Harry shifts with him, taking a moment to tuck himself back in his briefs and remove his jeans completely before stretching out beside Niall.  
  
His hand slips beneath Niall's shirt, stroking his stomach with his fingertips, and Niall shivers.  
  
Harry grins and leans down, kissing him as his hand slips beneath the waistbands of his trackies and briefs. His hand wraps around Niall's cock and Niall already knows it's not going to be long.  
  
Harry breaks the kiss to press kisses down his jaw and over his neck. When he bites down, twisting his hand just the right way at the same time, Niall has to shove his fist in his mouth to stop the moan.  
  
Harry laughs against his neck, low and husky. "Like that?"  
  
"Mmhmm." Niall manages, biting his finger when Harry does it again.  
  
Harry moves his lips up, nipping at his ear. "You're so fucking hot," he whispers, warm breath ghosting over Niall's ear.  
  
Niall shivers and it's only one more tug before he comes, moaning against his fist.  
  
Harry wipes his hand off and when Niall finally feels safe enough to lower his fist, Harry kisses him.  
  
He breaks the kiss after a moment, laying his head on Niall's chest without a word. It's not long before they both drift to sleep, warm and content.

 

\-----

  
Niall wakes up and it takes him a moment to register his surroundings. Harry's still wrapped around him, warm and soft in his arms. Niall breathes in deeply. It's the first time in a long time that he's fooled around with someone with a completely clear head. It's kind of terrifying. He doesn't want to let himself dwell on the implications of it.  
  
Instead, he tilts his head up, pressing a kiss to Harry's hair. Harry shifts against him, his grasp on Niall's waist tightening.  
  
"You awake?" Niall asks.  
  
"Mmhmm." Harry tips his head up, resting his chin on Niall's chest.  
  
Niall laughs softly and gently fixes his hair where it's gotten a bit tangled. From the way Harry tips his head into his touch, closing his eyes, Niall's pretty sure he'd be purring if that's a thing humans did.  
  
Niall plays with his hair just a moment longer. When he stops, Harry opens his eyes again.  
  
"How'd you sleep?" he asks.  
  
"Perfectly. You?"  
  
Harry grins. "Same." He presses a kiss to Niall's chest, over his t-shirt, and Niall's heart flips at the simple intimacy of it.  
  
Harry glances to the clock on the bedside table and pouts.  
  
"Almost time for dinner."  
  
Niall laughs softly. "I'm starving, to be honest. Someone gave me a bit of a workout."  
  
Harry giggles and finally shifts up enough to be able to press their lips together.  
  
Niall's amazed at how tender it is.  
  
They finally manage to pull themselves up a few minutes later and take turns getting cleaned up in the bathroom.  
  
When they head out for dinner, they walk just a bit closer together down the hall. Harry nudges his shoulder and Niall nudges him back. He finds himself wishing he could hold his hand.  
  
\-----  
  
After dinner, Niall hooks up his iPod, as has become their custom, only this time, they stretch out in the same bed. Niall lays on his back and Harry rests his head on his chest. He reaches for Niall's hand and plays with his fingers before linking their hands together. Niall idly runs his thumb over the back of Harry's hand.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" Niall asks.  
  
"Just did."  
  
Niall laughs. "Shut up."  
  
Harry tips his head up enough to grin at him before laying it back down.  
  
"Go ahead," he says.  
  
"Are you out? Publicly, I mean."  
  
There's a pause. "No."  
  
"I'm not judging you. Just curious. Are you gay?"  
  
He feels Harry shrug against him. "I like people."  
  
"That's cool. I'm bi. I guess. If I had to label myself."  
  
"Are you out?"  
  
Niall sighs. "Unfortunately."  
  
Harry tips his head up to look at him, brow furrowed. "Why unfortunately?"  
  
"It... caused a lot of problems. My family's still hoping I'll see the error of my ways and settle down with a nice girl. Kinda wish I was fully gay so they'd stop ignoring that side of me."  
  
Harry leans up then to kiss him softly and Niall accepts it. When Harry pulls back, he's smiling softly at Niall.  
  
"I'm glad you're not ignoring that side of you."  
  
Niall laughs. "I bet you are."  
  
Harry giggles and kisses him again. He finds himself thinking that if Harry could kiss away his problems, he might not have so damn many of them.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall wakes to the sound of trumpets and groans.  
  
"I want to rip that fuckin intercom off the wall."  
  
Harry laughs but it turns into a yawn. Niall leans up and presses a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
"Sleep okay?"  
  
"Best I've slept since I got here," Harry says, smiling at him.  
  
Niall grins. "Me too."  
  
Harry seems to think for a moment. "You know..." he starts and Niall arches an eyebrow. Harry giggles. "Technically we could skip breakfast and visit the shop when we get hungry... since it's Sunday." He slips a hand under Niall's shirt, tracing his skin. Niall shivers.  
  
"I like where this is going."  
  
Harry smirks and shifts so he can straddle Niall.  
  
Niall rests his hands on Harry's hips, gazing up at him.  
  
"Fuck... If I'd realized how bloody gorgeous you are, I'd have followed your career a long time ago," Niall says.  
  
Harry laughs softly. "Then we wouldn't be in this position."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I wouldn't be able to trust your motives."  
  
"You trust them now?"  
  
"Do I have a reason not to?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "Course not."  
  
Harry nods and leans down, kissing him deeply. Niall readily accepts it, pulling him tighter against him.  
  
Harry grinds into him and Niall moans against his lips. He can feel his blood rushing to his cock and he moves with Harry, trying to increase the friction.  
  
Harry reaches down between them, gently tugging up on his shirt. Niall lifts his arms and wiggles out of it before Harry sits back and removes his own.  
  
His body is littered with tattoos and Niall is mesmerized. He reaches up, tracing his fingers over the nearly identical sparrows on his chest before running them down his sternum and over the wings of the butterfly there. Harry shivers and Niall smiles up at him.  
  
"They're beautiful," he says.  
  
Harry blushes. "Thanks."  
  
He leans down to kiss Niall again and Niall sighs at the warmth of Harry's chest against his own. His skin is soft beneath his fingertips as he runs his hands over his back.  
  
Harry breaks the kiss to press kisses down along his jaw, then his neck, before nipping along his collarbone. Niall breathes shakily, clutching at his back as he continues to move down.  
  
He whimpers softly when Harry sucks a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue before switching sides. Niall writhes underneath him.  
  
Harry continues to kiss down his stomach until he reaches the waistband of his trackies.  
  
"May I?" he asks.  
  
Niall nods and Harry gently tugs his trackies off along with his briefs. Niall's already fully hard and a deep blush spreads over his cheeks as Harry gently pushes his legs apart so he can settle between them.  
  
Any embarrassment is soon forgotten when Harry licks a stripe along the underside of his cock and Niall has to stifle a moan in his hand.  
  
Harry does it again and Niall's hips jerk, a whimper escaping him.  
  
Harry wraps his lips around the tip, flicking his tongue over the slit before he takes Niall in until his cock hits the back of his throat.  
  
Niall pants into his palm. His whole body feels like it's on fire as Harry begins to bob his head. He's shaking with the effort not to fuck into Harry's mouth.  
  
Harry soon refocuses on the head, his hand coming up to stroke Niall.  
  
Niall can feel himself getting closer, his stomach tightening.  
  
"Harry... I'm gonna..." He warns.  
  
Harry seems to double his efforts, stroking him faster, and soon, Niall is spilling out into his mouth. Harry lets him finish before pulling off, sitting back and wiping his lips with the back of his hand.  
  
Niall throws his arm over his eyes, breathing heavily and trying to compose himself as Harry slides back up the bed, stretching out beside him. After a moment, when he's sure he can finally speak, he looks over at him.  
  
"That was fuckin brilliant."  
  
Harry blushes and giggles. "Thanks?"  
  
Niall grins and leans in to kiss him, tasting his bitterness in Harry's mouth.  
  
"Lie back," he says when he breaks the kiss. "I want to return the favor."  
  
Harry blushes again and they shift together so Harry's on his back with Niall between his legs. He reaches out, running his hands over Harry's smooth skin.  
  
"Why the butterfly?" Niall finds himself asking as his fingers trace the wings.  
  
Harry shivers slightly before relaxing under his touch. "I like butterflies. They give me hope. Like... caterpillars are a bit limited, yeah? And not always that pretty. But then they go through this process and they change into something incredible... and they can fly."  
  
Niall grins. "I like that."  
  
He leans down to press a kiss to the butterfly and hears Harry's sharp intake of breath.  
  
"It's beautiful. And so are you."  
  
Harry's cheeks are bright pink when Niall glances up at him and he breathes out a laugh.  
  
"You're famous. Don't people call you beautiful all the time?!"  
  
Harry groans, burying his face in his hands. "Not like that they don't."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Harry sighs before dropping his hands to look at him. "Sincerely."  
  
Something sad crosses over his face. There's a slight downward tilt to his lips and a furrow to his brow.  
  
Niall leans down to kiss the frown away. "Forget them. Let me make you feel good, yeah?"  
  
Harry swallows hard and nods.  
  
Niall kisses him again before scooting back, kneeling between his legs.  
  
He slips his fingers into Harry's pajamas and tugs them down along with his pants, tossing them to the floor.  
  
He takes a moment to gaze over Harry, splayed out naked on the bed.  
  
He meets Harry's gaze then. Harry's chewing his lip. He seems almost nervous.  
  
Niall kisses his knee. "You're so fuckin perfect. Every fuckin inch of you," he murmurs, something in him telling him Harry needs to hear it.  
  
Harry blushes deeply and Niall presses another kiss to his knee before he finally reaches out and starts stroking him.  
  
Harry gasps softly, hips lifting briefly off the bed before he settles again. Niall leans down and wraps his lips around the tip, sucking gently. It elicits a gravelly moan from Harry that he quickly stifles against his fist.  
  
Niall takes him down further before he starts bobbing his head, stroking him at the same pace. Harry bucks up slightly and Niall takes it, enjoying the way Harry brings his hand up then to tangle his fingers in his hair.  
  
He moans around Harry's cock and Harry's whole body shudders, his hips thrusting up again, fingers tightening in Niall's hair.  
  
Niall licks at the slit before swallowing him back down. He moans again and Harry whimpers, body shaking.  
  
When Niall twists his cock just right, Harry spills out into his mouth. Niall drinks it down and pulls off, wiping his lips.  
  
Harry's breathing deeply, staring at the ceiling. Niall moves from between his legs to lay out on his side beside him, gazing down at him.  
  
"You ok?" He asks.  
  
Harry meets his eyes and nods.  
  
Niall leans down to kiss him softly. "Thank you," he says.  
  
Harry's brow furrows. "For what?"  
  
"Trusting someone like me."  
  
Harry gazes at him for a moment before pulling him down, kissing him deeply.  
  
Niall's surprised by the intensity of it, but returns it easily.  
  
When Harry finally breaks it, he reaches up to cup Niall's cheek.  
  
"Thank you," Harry says.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Caring about someone like me."  
  
Niall's heart clenches painfully in his chest and he grabs Harry, pulling him close. Harry clings to him, burying his face in his neck. Niall hears him sniffle and holds him impossibly tighter.

 

\-----

 

They don't end up pulling themselves out of bed for breakfast, though by the time lunch rolls around, they can't deny their stomachs any longer.  
  
Niall looks over at Harry as they're collecting their clothes.  
  
"You know," he says. "No one here really cares how you dress. You can borrow my extra trackies if you'd like. Might be a bit short, but you'll be comfortable."  
  
Harry looks uncertain.  
  
"Come on," Niall says gently, moving to kiss his cheek. "No cell phones allowed. No cameras. You're safe here."  
  
Harry searches his eyes before nodding. Niall smiles softly and goes to his bag, pulling out another pair of trackies.  
  
"Do you need a t-shirt too?"  
  
Harry shakes his head. "I have one."  
  
Niall holds the trackies out but when Harry grabs them, Niall giggles mischievously and uses them to tug him closer.  
  
Harry laughs and rewards him with a kiss.  
  
\-----

After lunch, Niall turns to head back to their room, but Harry stops him with a gentle hand around his wrist.  
  
Niall looks at him, brow furrowed in question.  
  
"Come on. I want to show you something." He tugs gently on his wrist and Niall doesn't think twice about following. Harry gives his wrist a gentle squeeze before letting go as they head towards the back doors.  
  
They're quiet as they walk. There's a light breeze that flutters through the leaves in the back garden and a sliver of sunshine is peeking through the clouds.  
  
Harry leads him through the back garden where a few people are milling about, across the rec field, and into the small cluster of trees on the other side.  
  
"Are we allowed back here?" Niall asks warily.  
  
Harry shrugs. "This is where I came my first few days to get away. Doesn't really matter if we're allowed if no one sees us do it."  
  
Niall laughs. "All right but you owe me if we get double chores tomorrow."  
  
Harry smirks. "I'm sure I can think of something to make it up to you."  
  
Niall giggles. He's feeling brave now that the woods are wrapped around them, hiding them from prying eyes, and he reaches out, gently linking their fingers together.  
  
Harry looks over at him, a surprised smile on his lips. He squeezes Niall's hand and it fills Niall with something warm.  
  
They only walk a bit further, picking their way carefully over roots and shrubs before Niall hears the sound of running water. There's a small creek just up ahead that presumably flows into the lake stretched across one side of the facility's property.  
  
"This is where I disappeared to to get some peace. I wasn't really looking for anything the first time. Just wanted to get away. But this was nice so I kept coming back."  
  
"Thank you for bringing me here," Niall says quietly.  
  
Harry nods and Niall gently pulls him in for a kiss, soft and sweet.  
  
When they pull back, Niall lets go of his hand to take a seat on the ground against a tree whose oversized roots jut up beside him like an armchair. He spreads his legs and pats the space between them.  
  
Harry grins and sits on the ground between them, stretching out until he can pillow his head on Niall's chest. His hand slips under Niall's shirt to rest on his waist and Niall finds it so casually intimate that it makes his breath catch for a moment.  
  
He brings his arms up around Harry and breathes out a laugh. "You're so much lankier than me. How are you always the little spoon?"  
  
"I like being the little spoon."  
  
Niall presses a kiss to the top of his head. "Well that settles that then," he murmurs, carding his fingers through Harry's hair.  
  
He feels Harry press a kiss to his chest and he squeezes him gently.

\-----

  
Niall's in a better mood than he's ever been when headed to therapy the next morning. It's unsettling and he tries to change it, but he can't stop thinking of the beautiful man that's waiting for him on the other side of the hour session.  
  
Andrew looks up when he enters and smiles. "Hello, Niall. How are you today?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "Okay, I guess." He shuts the door behind himself and takes a seat on the couch as Andrew gets up from his desk and gets settled in his chair.  
  
"I heard you ran out on game day this weekend."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Christ you always get straight to the point."  
  
"Would you prefer I tiptoe around it?"  
  
"Not really, no."  
  
"Precisely."  
  
Niall scrubs a hand over his face. "Harry looked like he was going through some shit. I wanted to make sure he was okay."  
  
"You and he seem to be spending a lot of time together."  
  
Niall shrugs, trying to brush it off. "I mean what else are we gonna do in this place? We like the same music so at least we have shit to talk about."  
  
"Music is important to you?"  
  
Niall blinks at him. "Well, I mean yeah, I suppose. I work in a vintage music shop. Spend all day most days around it and talking about it."  
  
"Do you have any music that you listen to when you're not feeling well?"  
  
Niall shifts uncomfortably on the couch. "Yeah. Uhm. The Eagles are my favorite so they always make me feel better. Fleetwood Mac's pretty great. The Script. Coldplay. I like em a lot and they're all pretty mellow so..." he shrugs, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck.  
  
"Have you ever tried writing songs of your own? It could be a good outlet."  
  
"I've dabbled in it but it's not very good."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I just do."  
  
"Have you ever shared them with anyone?"  
  
"No. And I don't intend to."  
  
Andrew nods. He appears to think for a moment before speaking.  
  
"You need to be thinking of coping mechanisms for when you're released. It may be easy not to drink here because you don't have access to alcohol, but out there, it's everywhere. You're going to want to drink and you're going to need something healthy to help you through the urges so you don't end up in a place like this again. Or worse. In hospital with liver failure."  
  
Niall blinks at him, not sure how to respond. Since the withdrawal side effects had ended, he hasn't thought about what's waiting for him on the other side of rehab. He hasn't wanted to.  
  
"Have you been writing in your journal?"  
  
Niall shakes his head.  
  
"You should try it. You don't seem to enjoy discussing your feelings and that's fine. Some people don't. But you need an outlet. You could use it for writing music, if you'd like."  
  
Niall swallows hard. "I'll think about it," he says quietly.  
  
\-----  
  
After therapy, Niall skips out on lunch, hoping Harry will forgive him. He's just not really in the mood for people right now. He hurries up to their room and lays on his bed, clutching one of his pillows tight to his chest.  
  
Now that he's been forced to confront life on the outside, he honestly doesn't know what to think.  
  
Will he drink again? Being here hasn't erased the fact that his family is shit. His friends are pretty great, but they're a bunch of drunks which isn't exactly the best support system for a recovering alcoholic.  
  
He thinks about the bottle of whiskey on his nightstand, the dozen or so other bottles of hard liquor stashed away in his apartment. It won't just be 'everywhere' in the real world, it will be in his own home. Will he be strong enough to throw it all away? Will he want to?  
  
He's solved nothing in here, he realizes. He's gotten sober, but everything that made him drink is still just as much of a problem as it's always been.  
  
He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling the tears start to leak out and slip down his cheeks. He doesn't want to drink again but he also really really does.

 

\-----

 

When Harry returns from lunch, Niall's still in the same position. He's finally managed to stop crying but he's just sort of numb now.  
  
"Hey," Harry says gently, shutting the door behind himself. "You okay?"  
  
Niall can hear the concern thick in his voice and it makes his chest feel tight.  
  
He listens as Harry's footsteps draw closer and then his bed dips as Harry sits on the edge.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Harry's fingers card through his hair and Niall's eyes well up again despite his best efforts. He sniffles, trying to fight it back.  
  
"Oh, Niall..." Harry says, voice quiet. Niall hears the bed shift and then Harry's stretched out behind him, warm and sturdy. He gently tugs on the corner of the pillow until Niall releases it.  
  
Harry tosses it to the foot of the bed and Niall thinks for a moment before turning over, wrapping his arms tightly around Harry and sobbing into his neck. Harry hugs him close and stays quiet, pressing kisses into his hair.  
  
"My mum's dead," Niall gasps out.  
  
Harry's arms instantly tighten around him.  
  
"Did it just happen?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "Two years ago. I... I..." he chokes on a sob, trying to force the words out.  
  
"Shhhh... breathe," Harry murmurs. "I've got you. Breathe."  
  
Niall inhales sharply, trying to fight past the tears and the tightness in his throat. He feels Harry bury his face in his hair and he tries to let himself find comfort in his warmth.  
  
"I was out with my boyfriend at the time," he finally manages. He takes another shuddering breath, pressing forward. "It was late. We had a huge argument. I couldn't get an Uber because I live in the middle of fuckin nowhere and nothing was running. So I called my mum. It was raining. She... She never made it." Niall breaks into sobs again. He remembers that night with far too much clarity. Being too stubborn to go back inside. Getting soaked until he was shivering. Trying to call his mum a million times to no avail, only to receive that one terrifying call from his stepdad.  
  
"She hit a bad spot on the road and hydroplaned. Another car came along and couldn't brake in time. T-boned the driver's side. She was gone instantly. My brother blames me. Blames the fact that I like boys. That's why I started drinking. I couldn't handle the guilt."  
  
"Niall," Harry whispers, squeezing him so hard it hurts. Niall needs it. It reminds him he's alive. "It's not your fault. It was a freak accident. You couldn't have known it would happen."  
  
"But if I hadn't argued with my boyfriend, she'd still be alive. Or if I'd called one of my friends instead. But I just... I just wanted my mum."  
  
"You couldn't have known," Harry repeats. "And you couldn't control the weather, or the condition of the roads, or the other driver."  
  
"But she wouldn't have been on the road if it wasn't for me!" Niall protests. His chest is tightening as he breathes out gasping sobs. He starts coughing, unable to catch his breath.  
  
Harry loosens his grip this time, gently lifting Niall's face out of his neck.  
  
"Breathe, love. You're gonna make yourself sick."  
  
Niall searches Harry's eyes, trying to steady himself. He doesn't understand why this beautiful man in front of him is lying in his bed like this, holding him, caring for him. Niall doesn't deserve it. He killed his own mum and he's an alcoholic to boot. But here Harry is. He knows his story and he doesn't hate him. Instead, there's concern etched in Harry's brow and his bright green eyes are shining like he may have shed a few tears too.  
  
Niall's breathing slowly returns to normal. Harry presses a lingering kiss to his forehead.  
  
"Do you want me to skip group with you?" He asks.  
  
"You shouldn't get double chores because of me."  
  
Harry shrugs. "I'd take quadruple chores if you need me."  
  
Niall swallows hard before burying his face in his neck again, clinging to him.  
  
"Please stay."  
  
"Always."

 

\-----

 

Niall wakes a couple hours later, still wrapped in Harry's arms. He can tell from the steady rise and fall of his chest that he's nodded off as well.  
  
Niall's head feels heavy. He breathes in deeply, but feels his head spin and he has to quickly extract himself from Harry's arms and run for the bathroom, throwing up.  
  
He hears footsteps and soon, Harry's crouched by his side, rubbing his back.  
  
"Sorry," Niall says, voice a bit scratchy. "Didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"It's fine," Harry says gently.  
  
Niall focuses on breathing steadily, trying to keep the nausea at bay.  
  
"What brought it on?" Harry asks.  
  
"Headache. Dizzy." Niall inhales sharply when his stomach flips, but he can't stop it and finds himself heaving into the toilet again. Harry continues to rub his back through it and when Niall finishes, he glances up at him.  
  
"You don't have to be in here for this."  
  
"I have a strong stomach. It's fine."  
  
"Still gross," Niall mutters.  
  
Harry shrugs but doesn't leave.  
  
Niall finally manages to calm himself. He flushes the toilet and stands, rinsing his mouth out. Harry goes back out into the bedroom while Niall brushes his teeth and washes his face. When he finally feels human again, he goes to join Harry.  
  
Harry's sitting on his own bed, flicking through a magazine that he sets aside when Niall emerges. He spreads his legs and Niall climbs on the bed, settling between them and laying his head on his chest.  
  
Harry wraps his arms around him.  
  
"Thank you," Niall says quietly. "For everything."  
  
"There's nothing to thank me for."  
  
\-----

In the morning, Niall wakes in Harry's arms. He's gotten used to the weight of Harry's head on his chest, his body wrapped around him.  
  
When Harry tips his head up and smiles sleepily at him, Niall can't help but lean up enough to kiss the smile off his lips.  
  
As they kiss lazily, just enjoying each other's company despite the sound of trumpets, Niall's thoughts stray to the day before.  
  
He breaks the kiss, brushing his thumb over Harry's cheek and makes a decision.  
  
He's going to talk to Andrew because he wants to be the sort of man that deserves the look of calm contentment on Harry's face. Even if, when all is said and done, he doesn't get to keep Harry, knowing that Harry cares here and now is enough.

 

\-----

  
They check the chore board before breakfast and do, indeed, have double chores. It's double stable duty again, which is fine because at least they'll get to hang out alone.  
  
Niall's nervous about therapy. He knows Andrew is going to ask about group. He doesn't really have an explanation prepared.  
  
Andrew looks up when he enters, a frown on his lips. Niall swallows hard and sits on the couch. Andrew comes around his desk and takes a seat in his chair. He steeples his fingers against his lips, seeming to assess Niall before he speaks.  
  
"You weren't in group yesterday."  
  
"No."  
  
"Harry wasn't either."  
  
"No."  
  
"Care to explain?"  
  
Niall swallows hard. He rubs his hands on his legs nervously, trying to fight back the sudden tightness in his chest.  
  
"My mum... she's dead. And my brother blames me. That's why I drink... drank. Past tense now, I guess."  
  
Andrew blinks at him for a moment. He almost seems surprised that he got a real answer.  
  
"So how did this affect your absence from group?" He finally asks.  
  
"Because what you said about the real world made me think about what's waiting for me on the outside and... I didn't really like what I saw."  
  
"What did you see?"  
  
"Me... diving right back into the liquor bottles stashed around my apartment."  
  
"There are resources once you're out. You can find a support group and a local therapist. They'll help you create a strategy to better yourself long-term."  
  
Niall nods. "Yeah. I'd... uhm... I'd like that."  
  
"Do you have friends and family who can help you?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "My family... they're not the best. And my friends are a bunch of drunks. I'll be starting over, I guess. Just me." His throat feels thick and his eyes sting with tears that he tries his best to fight back.  
  
"You may not be as alone as you think," Andrew says gently. "Once other people in your life start to see that your behavior has changed, that you're clean and sober, they might like the new Niall they see."  
  
"Yeah. Maybe," Niall says. It would help, he thinks, if he even knew who that new Niall is supposed to be.

\-----

 

After lunch, he and Harry head out to the stables.  
  
They work quietly for a bit before Niall finally speaks.  
  
"I think I might move to London," he says.  
  
Harry looks at him over the dividing wall.  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
Niall shrugs, digging at the hay and not meeting his gaze. "I just... I've always kind of wanted to, ya know? And now that mum's gone and my life's a bit of a mess, there's nothing stopping me. It'll be a fresh start away from everything."  
  
"You should do it then," Harry says. "If you think it's the best thing for you."  
  
Niall nods a bit. "I think it might be."  
  
\-----  
  
In group, Niall doesn't speak, but he does finally listen. He listens as Jade talks about trying to find her confidence, as Lauren talks about her abusive boyfriend trying to call her here and having the courage to hang up the phone, as Liam talks about slowly discovering that exercise might just be a good outlet to work off his anger.  
  
For the first time in group, Niall doesn't feel so alone. He's not the only one with problems. He's not the only one who's broken. They're all working to be better versions of themselves. Maybe there's hope for him too.  
  
\-----

"Hey, Harry?" Niall starts, later that night. It's after lights out and they're curled up in Niall's bed, Harry's head tucked under his chin.  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"What'd you want to be before you became a singer?"  
  
"Don't know really. Was a bit young. I worked in a bakery before I got on X Factor. Dreamed of studying law sometimes. Or sociology. Or business. Not sure I'd be suited for any of those things."  
  
"You were on X Factor?"  
  
"You didn't know that?"  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Nah. Figured maybe you were one of those YouTube prodigies."  
  
"Nah. I... uhm... came in third on X Factor in 2010. It was a bit of a whirlwind after that."  
  
"How old were you?"  
  
"Sixteen."  
  
Niall does the math in his head. "You're twenty-four now?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I feel older sometimes with everything that's happened."  
  
Niall sighs. "I know that feeling."  
  
The pair fall silent for a moment before Harry speaks again, voice quiet.  
  
"You're not like other people I've met."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I feel like me when I'm with you."  
  
"Fuck, Harry..." Niall swallows hard, tightening his grasp on him. "If you only knew how much you've changed me for the better."  
  
Harry lifts his head then and Niall wishes he could see his expression more clearly in the dark. His eyes are slightly wide and his breathing's gone a bit shaky.  
  
Niall doesn't have time to think on it though because Harry kisses him, swift and sure.  
  
Niall moans softly and allows Harry to push him down on the bed and settle on top of him.  
  
Harry grinds against him, pressing kisses down his neck. Niall has to bite his lip to stifle a moan.  
  
Harry tugs up on his shirt and Niall helps him slide it off before Harry's trailing kisses along his collarbone. Niall shivers, squirming underneath him. His cock is already straining against his briefs.  
  
He tugs on Harry's shirt and Harry pauses in his kisses just long enough to remove it before attacking him again.  
  
Niall clutches at his back. "Harry... feels so good."  
  
Harry's lips move downwards until he's nipping at Niall's hip.  
  
Niall clamps a hand over his mouth, moaning into it as he buries his other hand in Harry's hair.  
  
Harry kisses a trail along the waistband of his trackies, ignoring the obvious bulge beneath them. He bites gently just below Niall's navel and Niall's hips buck up. Harry's firm hands shove them back down on the bed, pinning Niall in place as he sucks at the sensitive skin. Niall bites his finger, trying to fight back the stream of swear words ready to burst forth.  
  
When Harry's hand sneaks down and palms him through his clothes, it surprises a groan out of Niall that makes Harry pause. When Niall grabs his pillow and bites down on the corner, Harry resumes his teasing.  
  
He finally tugs his trackies down, bringing his briefs with them, and Niall gasps into his pillow as his cock is freed.  
  
Harry wraps his hand around the base and takes him into his mouth easily. Niall has to bite hard at the pillow, jaw clenched painfully to stop any noise from escaping him. His fingers tighten in Harry's hair as Harry bobs his head, dragging his tongue along the underside of his cock.  
  
Niall feels his body shaking, his stomach muscles clenching with the familiar warmth building.  
  
When Harry starts paying special attention to the tip, sucking lightly as his hand continues to stroke him, Niall comes, burying his face in his pillow to muffle the moan he doesn't have the power to fight anymore.  
  
Harry pulls off and scoots up the bed. Niall jumps slightly when Harry brushes against him, body hyper-sensitive as shivers continue to run through him.  
  
Harry stops moving and Niall finally sets the pillow down to look at him, wishing it wasn't after lights out so he could see his beautiful face.  
  
He swallows thickly. "That... That was fuckin amazing."  
  
Harry's hand comes up then to brush through Niall's hair and it makes his skin tingle.  
  
"You're fuckin amazing," Harry murmurs, pressing a lingering kiss to his forehead before scooting down to wrap his arms around Niall, laying his head on his chest.  
  
Niall presses a kiss into his hair, holding him close. "Don't you want me to return the favor?"  
  
He feels Harry shake his head against him. "M tired. Wanted to do that for you."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "I'll repay you in the morning then, yeah?"  
  
Harry presses a kiss to his chest. "Yeah."  
  
Niall strokes his fingers through Harry's hair and soon, it lulls them both to sleep.

 

\-----

 

Niall wakes in the morning, brow furrowing as he becomes aware of his surroundings and the fact that he's definitely alone in the room.  
  
He blinks past the grogginess and pulls himself out of bed, grabbing up his clothes from the day before and tugging them on.  
  
He slips on his shoes before heading out, knowing exactly where he's going to find Harry.  
  
He checks around inside first, but everything is still mostly deserted and there's definitely no sign of Harry.  
  
Niall makes the trek out back, shivering a little in the cool morning air.  
  
He's at least rewarded for his efforts by the sight of Harry, seated on the ground by the creek, knees curled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them.  
  
"Hey," Niall says as he approaches. "What happened to letting me return the favor?" He tries for teasing, but it falls flat. He can already tell something's wrong.  
  
Harry keeps his gaze ahead as Niall sinks down beside him. He's surprised when Harry actually speaks.  
  
"I don't know if I wanted to die that day," he says quietly. "I just know I wanted to escape."  
  
"Oh, Harry..." Niall wraps an arm around him and is relieved that Harry at least uncurls from the ball he's in to lean against him, arms wrapping around Niall's waist.  
  
"I've been so alone since the beginning." Harry says. "My family supports me but they don't understand and I've never... I've never really been able to tell who likes me for me and who likes me for who they think I am."  
  
"It must be hard. I can't even imagine. Being surrounded by the whole world and still feeling alone." Niall hugs him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
Harry sniffles. "It is. I've tried explaining it to people but it never comes out quite right. I mean I go to parties and I go out with friends so it never looks like I'm alone, but I almost always am." He starts crying then and Niall rocks him gently.  
  
"It's ok, love. I've got you. Let it out."  
  
He continues to hold Harry as Harry sobs, tears soaking Niall's shirt. His heart breaks for the man in his arms. Niall feels alone but at least he's never had to question the sincerity of the people he surrounds himself with. His world's just been off its axis since his mother passed and his emotional isolation and subsequent self destruction were because of choices he made.  
  
But Harry... Harry has such a big heart. It didn't take him long to discover just how deeply Harry feels things, how much he needs positive reinforcement. He can't imagine being so desperate to be surrounded by people but not knowing if he could trust any of them.  
  
Harry finally seems to calm, coughing softly before falling quiet. Niall can feel the rise and fall of his chest with his own. He's so aware of Harry, of the warmth and weight of his body against him.  
  
He presses a kiss to his hair, stroking his fingers through it.  
  
"The world would be a darker place without you, Harry. Please don't leave."  
  
He feels Harry's grasp tighten and he holds him tighter.  
  
"I won't," Harry promises and Niall hopes like hell it's true.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall stays with Harry until they're forced to head back inside so Harry doesn't miss therapy.  
  
Niall goes up to their room to wait for his session, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.  
  
He's not used to feeling things so strongly. It's been a long time since he's felt much of anything. That was the whole point of becoming an alcoholic. He wanted to lose himself at the bottom of a bottle instead of a pit of despair. He imagines if he had chosen the despair, he would have ended up here anyway... assuming he survived any attempts to harm himself. It's a thought that sits heavily in his stomach.  
  
\-----  
  
When it's finally time to head down to therapy, Niall's feeling a bit off kilter. He knows now that it's time to start talking or he's never going to heal.  
  
"How are you feeling today?" Andrew asks once they're both settled.  
  
Niall breathes in deeply. He wrings his hands together in his lap.  
  
"I've been thinking... a lot."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Leaving Ireland. Heading to London. When I get out."  
  
"What about your support system?"  
  
"Told you... don't have one. 's just me. I think I'd like to start over from scratch. I just..." He swallows hard, looking down at his lap. "I avoid the road my mum died on. I'll go an hour out of my way just to not have to drive down it. And everything in town reminds me of her. I can't... I can't always be faced with that guilt."  
  
"Why do you feel guilty?"  
  
"Because I'm the reason she was out that night," Niall feels tears sting his eyes and he wipes at them. "I called her to come pick me up after a fight with my boyfriend. It was raining and she got in a wreck. If... If I hadn't called her, she'd still be alive."  
  
"Were you driving the car?"  
  
Niall looks up at him, brow furrowed. "No."  
  
"Can you control the weather?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did you force her to come pick you up?"  
  
"I just told you I called her."  
  
"You're not answering the question I asked."  
  
Niall sighs. "No."  
  
"So how are you responsible for the wreck?"  
  
Niall groans and scrubs his hands over his face, leaning his head back on the couch. He stays there for a moment, breathing in deeply and trying to stop the mess of thoughts fighting for space in his head.  
  
He finally forces himself to look at Andrew again, hands falling to his lap.  
  
"My brother blames me. The day I hit the police car, we were arguing. At my father's house. Neither of us knew the other was going to be there. First time I'd seen him in months. He started screaming at me right away, telling me if I wasn't a fuckin queer, Mum would still be alive." He pauses, breathing deeply as tears slip down his cheeks again. "It's been the same shit every time I've seen him since the night she died. She was laying in the fuckin hospital bed, not dead five minutes when he started in on me. Disowned me then and there."  
  
"Did you blame yourself before he blamed you?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "I hadn't had time to think about it. I was worried about Mum."  
  
"Rightfully so." Andrew assesses him before speaking. "It's not your fault and it's certainly not because you had a boyfriend. Life is unpredictable. Would you have called her still, if you'd known how it would end?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"Precisely. You can't carry this weight with you everywhere you go, Niall. It'll just keep destroying you. I think a fresh start might be just what you need."  
  
Niall nods. "Yeah," he says, breathing in deeply. "I think I'm gonna do it."  
  
\-----  
  
Niall skips lunch again. He's only a little surprised to find Harry in their room, curled up on his bed.  
  
Niall stretches out on the bed behind him and Harry rolls over, scooting closer before wrapping an arm around Niall and tucking his face into his neck.  
  
Niall wraps his arms around him, holding him close.  
  
"You okay, love?" Niall murmurs, resting his head on top of Harry's.  
  
Harry shrugs.  
  
"Yeah, I know the feeling." Niall sighs, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
They lay there quietly, clinging to each other until it's time to go to group.

\-----

  
They don't talk much for the rest of the day and after dinner, they listen to music until lights out.  
  
Niall powers off the iPod and stretches out on his side. Harry immediately curls up against him and Niall wraps his arm around him, holding him close.  
  
"Do I really make you better?" Harry murmurs, face tucked into Niall's neck.  
  
"Yeah," Niall says. "You really do."  
  
"How?"  
  
"By just being you."  
  
Harry shifts then, lifting his head and resting it on the pillow beside Niall.  
  
"But how?"  
  
Niall's brow furrows. "Just... when I'm with you, I want to be the kind of person that deserves the things you've given me."  
  
"What have I given you?" Harry presses. He seems strangely desperate, eyes wide.  
  
Niall sighs softly. "I don't know what you need to hear." He kisses Harry's forehead, letting his lips linger there before he speaks again. "I can't sum it all up. You've given me you, Harry. The most wonderful fucking person I've ever met. How could I possibly sum you up?"  
  
Harry clings to him then, crying softly into his neck. Niall runs his fingers through his hair, holding him close.  
  
"Do you need me to tell you why you should stay? Because I could spend all night telling you the reasons." Niall's chest tightens. He swallows hard, feeling tears sting his eyes.  "Fuck... Harry..." His voice catches in his throat and he breathes shakily. "You remind me every day that there's still good in this world. Waking up with you is the most alive I have ever felt." He clenches his eyes shut, tears slipping down his cheeks. "I don't know what you need to hear," he repeats, burying his face in Harry's hair. "I can't make you stay, all I can do is hope that you do."  
  
He clings to Harry as they cry together, both holding on as tightly as they possibly can.  
  
Niall wishes more than anything that he never had let go. He'd hold Harry forever just to make sure he stays.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall's relieved when he wakes up with Harry still wrapped around him. Harry shifts and his grasp on Niall tightens so Niall hugs him tighter.  
  
"Hey, love," Niall murmurs.  
  
Harry lifts his head then and Niall smiles softly. When Harry leans in for a kiss, he readily accepts it. There's a level of comfort and familiarity to it that Niall finds reassuring.  
  
When Harry finally pulls back, Niall squeezes him gently.  
  
"That was a proper good morning," he says, pleased when Harry breathes out a laugh. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Harry shrugs, smile slipping. "Okay," he says  
  
"It's okay to not be okay, you know. Kinda why we're here."  
  
Harry chews his lip. "Did you mean what you said last night?"  
  
"Of course," Niall says gently.  
  
Harry drops his gaze. He shifts nervously and Niall kisses his forehead.  
  
"You make me better too," Harry says quietly.  
  
Niall swallows hard. "I do?" He's not quite sure he believes it. He's not used to bringing out the best in people. He's used to the exact opposite, really.  
  
Harry finally looks at him again. "Yeah. I told you... I'm me when I'm with you. I don't know the last time I didn't feel like I had to hide."  
  
Niall feels himself tearing up. He blinks, trying to fight it back.  
  
"I don't know what I did to deserve that," he says.  
  
"Everything," Harry says.  
  
Niall swallows hard. He leans in, kissing Harry deeply.  
  
Harry pushes gently on Niall's shoulder, maneuvering with him so he ends up on top of him before breaking the kiss.  
  
Niall gazes up at him, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Harry's ear.  
  
"I wish we could do this properly," Harry says.  
  
Niall's brow furrows. "Properly?"  
  
A blush colors Harry's cheeks. "Proper sex. Instead of just... fooling around."  
  
It's Niall's turn to blush, heart pounding in his chest. "You're giving me everything you can. 's more than enough."  
  
Harry kisses him then, grinding into him. Niall moans softly against his lips. He tugs up on Harry's shirt and Harry lifts his arms to get it off before tugging Niall's off.  
  
Harry leans down, pressing kisses along Niall's jaw and down his neck. Niall shivers beneath him, hands clutching at Harry's back.  
  
"How can I make you feel good?" Harry murmurs against his skin.  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "You're off to a hell of a start."  
  
Harry laughs softly and Niall shivers again as his warm breath ghosts over his neck.  
  
Harry nips gently. "I think I want to come like this. My body against your body."  
  
Niall moans. "Yeah," his voice comes out rough and he swallows hard. "Yeah... let's do that."  
  
He can feel Harry's smile against his skin. It sets his body alight.  
  
Harry slips his fingers into the waistband of Niall's trackies, sitting back so he can tug them off along with his briefs.  
  
His gaze trails over Niall as he tosses his clothes aside.  
  
"I think you're perfect too, you know," he says, fingertips tracing over Niall's thighs.  
  
Niall sucks in a breath, a deep blush coloring his cheeks.  
  
"Thanks," he mumbles.  
  
Harry leans down, kissing him softly before standing to shed his own clothes.  
  
Niall spreads his legs and Harry settles on top of him, gasps escaping their lips as their cocks align.  
  
Niall wraps his arms and legs around Harry, pulling him closer. He can feel Harry shaking slightly and for a moment, they just gaze at each other.  
  
He reaches up, tracing his fingers over Harry's cheek, watching the way his eyelashes flutter as he tilts his head into the touch. He moves his thumb down over Harry's lips and Harry meets his gaze again as he briefly sucks it into his mouth, tongue flicking over the tip.  
  
Niall inhales sharply, but before he can catch his breath, Harry is kissing him desperately. His hips grind down into Niall and their cocks slide against each other. Niall whimpers into his mouth, moving with him.  
  
Harry sneaks a hand down between them, managing to take hold of both of them and begin stroking slowly.  
  
Niall's mind goes hazy. The only thing consuming his thoughts is the man above him and all around him.  
  
He breaks the kiss to gaze at Harry. His pupils are blown, a bright ring of green still shining around them. His lips are pink and kiss-swollen, parted slightly as soft, quick breaths escape him. He's more beautiful than Niall has ever seen him and all Niall wants is more.  
  
He buries a hand in Harry's messy curls, pulling him in for another kiss that Harry easily returns, a moan passing from his lips and into Niall's.  
  
It's not much longer before Niall stiffens, a rush of heat flashing through him before he spills out between them. Harry gives a few more good thrusts before he follows, then collapses on top of Niall.  
  
Niall sighs softly, holding him impossibly tight, concentrating on the way their chests rise and fall together, reminding him that they're both still alive.  
  
\-----

When Harry leaves for therapy, Niall does something he never thought he'd do.  
  
He snatches up the notebook and pen Andrew gave him and begins to write. The words flow rapidly onto the page, scrambling through his mind almost faster than he's able to get them out.  
  
It's been a while since his written anything decent. He's not used to having such sharp, clear thoughts. From the time he rose to the time he passed out every night, he existed somewhere outside his own body, lost in a drunken void. He doesn't remember the last time he felt so present in reality and it's even harder to remember the last time he enjoyed it.  
  
When he's finally gotten the words out, scribbles and notes cluttering the page, he rereads it.  
  
He swallows hard, feeling himself tearing up and he shuts the notebook, clutching it to his chest.  
  
\-----  
  
"I've written a song," Niall says quietly, staring at his lap.  
  
"Really?" Andrew asks. Niall can hear the surprise in his voice.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"What is it about?"  
  
Niall breathes deeply. "Someone I... Someone I care about a great deal."  
  
"What kind of someone?"  
  
Niall feels his cheeks warming. "Not sure, really. We've never talked about it. Someone special. That's all I know."  
  
Andrew's quiet for long enough that Niall looks up. Andrew seems to be assessing him carefully.  
  
"There's a music room," he finally says. "Down the hallway, just off the rec room... If you'd like to put it to music."  
  
"I'd like that," Niall says.  
  
Andrew nods and considers Niall for another moment before typing something into his notes and changing the topic.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall skips lunch, retrieving his notebook before heading straight to the music room. It's small, but blissfully empty. There's a keyboard and a few other instruments lying about, but Niall's gaze lands on the acoustic guitar leaning against the far wall.  
  
He hurries to it, setting his notebook aside so he can turn the guitar in his hands. There's scratches and dings scarring the surface. It's clearly been manhandled and mistreated. Niall can't help but think it fits right in in a place like this. It's a guitar made for a song like the one he's written.  
  
He sinks down on one of the chairs and tunes it. It creaks and whines until finally, a beautiful, clear note vibrates through it.  
  
Niall grins and grabs his notebook.  
  
The melody flows almost as easily as the lyrics and Niall plays until his fingers are numb and the song feels etched into his bones.

\-----

 

When Niall returns to the room, Harry has Fleetwood Mac playing softly on Niall's ipod and he's fast asleep. Niall sets his notebook down on his bedside table, then lays as carefully as he can beside Harry, trying not to wake him.  
  
Harry stirs anyway, eyes fluttering open slowly.  
  
"Mm," he hums. "Hi."  
  
Niall grins, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Hi."  
  
Harry scoots closer, draping an arm over Niall's waist and burying his face in his neck.  
  
"You skipped lunch," he says.  
  
"I had something I needed to do."  
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
"More than okay," Niall assures him.  
  
He feels Harry press a kiss to his neck and he runs his hands in soothing circles over Harry's back.  
  
"I like holding you," he murmurs into his hair.  
  
"I like being held by you."  
  
\-----  
  
"Niall?" Harry speaks into the darkness that night, head pillowed on Niall's chest.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What's your favorite color?"  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Green. Why?"  
  
He feels Harry's shrug more than sees it. "We've never really talked about that sort of thing before."  
  
"Fair enough. What's yours?"  
  
"Orange."  
  
They fall quiet for a moment before Niall speaks.  
  
"Do you write your own songs?"  
  
"I do now, yeah."  
  
"You didn't before?"  
  
"Not really. Different management. I didn't have as much control over my career as I do now."  
  
Niall chews on his lip. "What do you write about?"  
  
Harry shrugs. "Lots of things. Love, mostly, I guess. Like everyone else."  
  
Niall swallows hard. "I wrote a song today."  
  
Harry raises his head up to look at him then. "Is that where you were at lunch?"  
  
Niall nods. "I was down in the music room."  
  
Harry's quiet for a moment. "Will you play it for me?" he finally asks timidly.  
  
Niall breathes shakily. "Soon. It's not quite ready yet."  
  
Harry nods and lays back down, an all too familiar weight on Niall's chest.

 

\-----

 

In the morning, Niall heads down to the music room while Harry's in therapy. There's a couple other people messing about so he plucks lazily at the guitar, just trying to get a feel for it in his hands to calm his nerves.  
  
He takes his notebook with him to therapy and he doesn't miss the slight quirk to Andrew's lips when he notices it.  
  
"Working on your song?" he asks after they're settled.  
  
Niall nods. "I think it's done, actually."  
  
"Will you let me read it?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "Not... Not yet. I want him to hear it first."  
  
Andrew gazes at him for a moment. "This person... Is it another patient, Niall?"  
  
Niall swallows hard, looking down at his lap. "I know what you're going to say. And you're right. But please don't say it yet."  
  
"What am I going to say?"  
  
Niall picks at the corner of his notebook, peeling some of the thin black paper off the spine and rolling it between his fingers.  
  
"That we need to focus on getting better... instead of focusing on each other." He breathes deeply, looking up again. "I know... but he makes me want to be better."  
  
Andrew nods a bit. "I won't say it yet."  
  
Niall sighs. "Thank you."

 

\-----

 

After lunch, Niall pauses at the bottom of the stairs and turns to Harry.  
  
"I'll be up in a bit, yeah?"  
  
Harry's brow furrows, but he nods and continues up to their room.  
  
Niall makes his way to the music room. There's a group gathered around the piano, much to his dismay, but he finds the worn guitar leaned against the wall.  
  
He grabs it and leaves the room, heading out past the back garden and into the woods.  
  
He finds the tree he'd sat under with Harry and sinks down.  
  
He thinks about the two occasions he's been out here with Harry, thinks about the rollercoaster of emotions he's felt in the short time he's known him.  
  
And then he plays and he sings and the song is finally perfect.  
  
\-----  
  
When he heads back inside, he returns the guitar to the music room before going up to their room.  
  
Harry's flicking through a magazine that he tosses aside when Niall enters. He's propped up on pillows, long legs stretched down the bed, and for a moment, Niall just takes it all in.  
  
Harry shifts and Niall meets his gaze. He's blushing and Niall finds himself wanting to kiss it off his cheeks.  
  
He sinks down on the edge of the bed and cups Harry's face in his hands, leaning in to kiss him. Harry is warm and pliant and Niall lets himself kiss him just for the sake of kissing him.  
  
When he finally pulls back, he strokes his fingers through Harry's hair.  
  
"You really are special," he says.  
  
Harry looks down and Niall gently tilts his chin back up.  
  
"Look at me," he says gently.  
  
Harry breathes shakily and does as he's told.  
  
"Stay. Not for me, but because you deserve to exist more than anyone I have ever met."  
  
Harry's eyes well up and he swallows hard. "We've only known each other a couple weeks."  
  
Niall shrugs. "I may not know everything about you, but I don't need to. I know what you've made me feel. I feel alive, Harry. For the first time since my mum passed."  
  
Harry wipes at his eyes. "I wish we could have met another way."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "You and me both. But it is what it is and we're where we are, yeah? Can't change it, so we might as well make the best of it."  
  
Harry nods. He looks down, seeming to think before he meets Niall's gaze again.  
  
"I'll stay," he promises and Niall believes him.

 

\-----

 

Just before group, Niall extracts himself from Harry's arms, kissing him softly.  
  
"I'll meet you downstairs," he says. "I have to get something."  
  
Harry's brow furrows. "What?"  
  
"You'll see." He kisses Harry again just for good measure before leaving the room.  
  
He heads down to the music room, grabbing the guitar. For a moment, he just weighs it in his hands, plucking at the strings. He takes a deep breath, reminding himself that he's doing this for Harry, before he heads to group.  
  
Harry's already seated in his usual spot, the space beside him empty. Niall sinks down beside him and Harry eyes him a bit warily. Niall can feel a few other gazes on him and he ignores it all for the sake of his nerves.  
  
When Ben arrives, Niall catches the look of surprise as he takes his seat.  
  
"You have a guitar, Niall," he says.  
  
"I do."  
  
"Do you have a song you'd like to share?"  
  
Niall breathes in deeply. "I do, yeah." He glances at Harry, who's still watching him carefully, and he has to look away to maintain his composure.  
  
He gets situated, gently tuning the guitar. When there's no more fidgeting to be done, he takes a moment to take a deep breath, and then he shuts his eyes and sings.  
_  
Like the rain on a sunny day  
There's a shadow behind your face  
Tell me what you're running from_  
  
He doesn't let himself think about the number of people listening or the fact that the subject of the song is sitting right beside him. He just sings, pouring his heart into the words that mean more to him than life itself.  
  
As the last note fades away, he takes a shaky breath. There's silence and then someone starts clapping. Before he knows it, the rest of the room is applauding him and he finally opens his eyes, bewildered by the reaction.  
  
"That was beautiful, Niall," Jade says, wiping at her eyes as the room quiets again.  
  
"I must say, for someone who's never contributed in group, that was a heck of a start, Niall," Ben says. "Would you like to tell us anything about the song?"  
  
Niall swallows hard, looking down at the guitar. He fiddles with the knobs and allows himself to feel protected behind it. It's the barrier between him and the room he's just spilled his heart into. He still can't bring himself to look at Harry to see his reaction.  
  
"It's for someone I care about. Someone who finally made me realize there's good in this world." His voice catches in his throat and he exhales sharply. "I... I want to get better for them. Because of them." He falls quiet then, trying to maintain control of his emotions.  
  
"That's lovely, Niall. Thank you for sharing," Ben says.  
  
"Yeah," Niall says quietly.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall glances at Harry as they leave group.  
  
"I've got to put this away. I'll be right up," he says, motioning in the direction of the music room.  
  
Harry nods and Niall finds himself unable to read his expression. It makes his stomach flip.  
  
He goes to put the guitar away before returning to their room.  
  
Harry's standing at the window, gazing out over the back garden. He doesn't turn when Niall shuts the door behind himself.  
  
"Anything interesting out there?" Niall asks.  
  
"Not really," Harry says.  
  
They fall silent. Niall shifts on his feet. He knows it's up to Harry to say something now. Niall's said everything he can possibly say in his song.  
  
"What's it called?" Harry finally asks.  
  
"Since We're Alone."  
  
Harry nods a bit. He still hasn't turned from the window and Niall finds himself desperate to see his face.  
  
"'I love you best when you're just yourself.'" Harry quotes.  
  
Niall swallows hard. "Yeah."  
  
Harry's face drops into his hands then and Niall sees his shoulders shake. He closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around Harry, relieved when Harry instantly clings to him and buries his face in his neck.  
  
"I love you too," he whispers and Niall's heart clenches in his chest. "I know I shouldn't. I know it's too soon, but I do." He sniffles, breathing a bit shaky as he cries softly.  
  
"Shh... I've got you." Niall says, rocking him gently. "I've got you. We don't need to talk about it yet, yeah?"  
  
Harry nods and Niall holds him impossibly tighter.

 

\-----

 

After dinner, they return to their room.  
  
Harry stretches out on his bed and gazes up at Niall.  
  
Niall smiles softly and Harry returns it, holding out his hand to him. Niall moves closer, taking his hand and laying out beside him. Their faces are close together, noses almost touching.  
  
"Hi," Niall says.  
  
Harry grins. "Hey."  
  
Niall kisses the tip of his nose and Harry giggles.  
  
"You're so fuckin beautiful," Niall murmurs, squeezing his hand.  
  
Harry blushes, but Niall's pleased when he doesn't shy away from the compliment.  
  
"I love you," Harry says, the words coming out timid as if he's testing the way it feels to say them freely.  
  
"I love you too," Niall says.  
  
A warmth spreads through him and he grins, watching the matching grin stretch on Harry's lips.  
  
He scoots closer to Harry, their legs tangling together, and he laughs.  
  
"I feel like a fuckin teenager."  
  
Harry giggles again. "Are you going to take my virginity?"  
  
Niall snickers, squeezing his hand. "I was trying to be cute and you had to go and fill my head with dirty thoughts."  
  
Harry laughs, kissing him softly. "I'm sorry. You're very cute."  
  
Niall playfully pushes him away with his free hand and Harry smirks, shoving Niall back until he's pinned beneath him on the bed.  
  
Niall cackles, wrapping his arms and legs around him, trapping him.  
  
Harry buries his face in his neck, pressing a kiss there.  
  
"Mm. I love you."  
  
Niall sighs contentedly. "I love you too."  
  
Harry nuzzles at his neck and Niall relaxes, hands tracing gently over Harry's back.  
  
Harry's a bit too heavy for him to breathe properly, but he's also warm and soft and Niall wouldn't dream of asking him to move.

 

\-----

 

Niall wakes to the trumpets and feels Harry nestle more firmly against him. He presses a kiss into his messy curls.  
  
"Morning, love," he says.  
  
"Morning," Harry murmurs.  
  
"I think I just want to stay in bed today, how bout you?"  
  
Harry breathes out a laugh. "That sounds like a fantastic idea."  
  
Niall cards his fingers through Harry's hair and they wait for the trumpets to end before allowing themselves to fall back asleep.  
  
\-----  
  
When Niall wakes again, Harry's still fast asleep and Niall lays there quietly until he finally stirs a little while later.  
  
"Good morning again," Niall says.  
  
Harry giggles. "Morning." He lifts his head and kisses Niall softly.  
  
Niall rubs his back. "I think we should pop downstairs and get a bunch of snacks from the shop so we can properly hide away today."  
  
"That's a very good idea... but first, I have a better one," Harry says with a smirk.  
  
Niall laughs softly. "I bet you do."  
  
Harry grins, kissing him soft and slow. He pushes Niall back on the bed and Niall moves easily, pulling Harry down on top of him.  
  
Harry starts a slow grind against him and Niall moans against his lips.  
  
He tugs Harry's t-shirt off, hands running over the warm expanse of his back.  
  
Harry slips Niall's shirt off, trailing kisses along his neck.  
  
"I could spend hours kissing you. I want to learn the taste of every inch of you," Harry murmurs against his skin.  
  
Niall blushes. "By all means. Feels amazing."  
  
Harry laughs, continuing to press kisses down his neck and shoulder.  
  
His fingers slide down Niall's torso and Niall shivers. Harry slips his hands into the waistbands of his trackies and briefs and tugs them down slowly, easing himself down the bed.  
  
He leaves the faintest kisses down Niall's stomach and Niall is a shivering mess, fully hard by the time Harry's between his legs.  
  
Niall grabs his pillow, biting down on it as Harry swallows him.  
  
Harry bobs his head slowly, wrapping his hand around the base to stroke him. He slides his tongue along the underside and Niall whines into his pillow.  
  
Harry sucks at the head, teasing over it with his tongue before taking him down again.  
  
Niall thrusts up and Harry uses his palms to shove Niall's hips into the bed before stroking him again. Niall moans into the pillow, stomach tensing with the effort to keep still.  
  
Harry moves quicker, matching the pace of his mouth and hand and soon, Niall is coming down is throat, face buried in the pillow to stifle the sounds.  
  
Harry pulls off slowly. Niall takes a few deep breaths to compose himself before setting the pillow aside.  
  
He holds his arms out and Harry settles on his chest, kissing him softly.  
  
"I love you," Niall says.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Niall kisses him again before pushing him back onto the bed. Harry settles and Niall scoots down, tugging Harry's pajamas and pants off and tossing them aside.  
  
He starts slow, pressing kisses along the underside of his length until he reaches the head. His lips tease at the bit of precome already dripping from it and Harry has to clamp a hand over his mouth to stifle the moan.  
  
Niall uses his hand to steady his cock and takes him down, bobbing his head slowly. He runs his hands lightly over Harry's thighs and Harry shivers.  
  
Harry buries his free hand in Niall's hair and Niall swallows him as much as he can, pausing there and breathing deeply through his nose before hollowing his cheeks and pulling off. The filthy whine Harry poorly conceals in his hand is worth the way Niall's eyes water a bit from the effort.  
  
He takes a moment and finally wraps his lips around Harry again, bobbing steadily until Harry comes apart beneath him.  
  
Niall wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and moves up to lay beside Harry.  
  
Harry's smile is lazy and sated. Niall leans down to kiss it right off his lips.  
  
\-----  
  
They manage to pull themselves up for a shower which mostly consists of lazy kissing and lazy handjobs.  
  
Afterwards, they head to the shop for an assortment of food that gets them a raised eyebrow from the clerk at the counter.  
  
They retreat back to their room with their stash, dumping it off on Harry's bed before getting settled on Niall's.  
  
Niall sits back against the pillows and Harry tucks himself under his arm, draping a leg over Niall's and linking their free hands together.  
  
"You know," Niall says. "I wish Mum was here. She'd love you."  
  
Harry tilts his head up to look at him. "Really?"  
  
"Mmhmm. She... well... she was a pretty devout Catholic and it took her a bit to come around to me liking boys. Zayn was the first one she ever met and she wasn't his biggest fan. I... I knew he was a mess, but I was mad for him. He had this way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world when you were with him and I fell for it. He was a selfish prick though and he was one of those artists that calls themselves an artist but they never actually make anything." He sighs. "But you... you're soft and you're kind. My mum was one of those mums that was a real mum, ya know? Like look 'mum' up in the dictionary and she's the definition. She always took care of me. I could pop round anytime for dinner without warning and she'd brighten right up. She just wanted me to be happy and be with someone good... I know she'd appreciate how well you've taken care of me just as much as I do."  
  
"She sounds lovely," Harry says.  
  
"She was. She was my fuckin world." Niall shuts his eyes then. He feels Harry press a kiss to his chest through his t-shirt and he squeezes his hand gently in response.  
  
"She has you for a son though, so I'm not surprised she was amazing."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh, looking down at him again. "You missed the year and a half where I was an alcoholic."  
  
Harry frowns. "It's something you did, not who you are."  
  
Niall swallows hard, gazing at him for a moment as the words sink in. "Thank you."  
  
Harry nods, lifting up a bit to be able to kiss him. "She'd be proud of you for being here. You made a mistake, but you're fixing it. I like who you are now. I know she would too."  
  
Niall blinks, fighting back tears. "I miss her so much."  
  
"I know," Harry says gently.  
  
Niall wraps his arms around him, pulling him close. Harry straddles him, wrapping his arms around him as Niall cries into his shoulder.  
  
It's the first time he's allowed himself to truly grieve for his mother and for everything he lost that night. It feels like a weight's been lifted from his chest and he allows himself to find comfort in Harry's strong arms.

 

\-----

 

The following morning, Niall wakes to Harry nuzzling his neck.  
  
"Mm... that tickles," he murmurs, not bothering to open his eyes just yet.  
  
He feels Harry press a kiss to his neck in response and Niall tightens his grasp on him.  
  
"I swear if it wasn't for those damn trumpets, I could forget where we are sometimes," Harry mutters.  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh, finally opening his eyes to gaze at him. "And the therapy sessions and the awful meals and the imprisonment..."  
  
Harry giggles. "Point taken."  
  
Niall kisses him softly. "I know what you mean though. These mornings... they're nice."  
  
"They are. I actually enjoy waking up for a change."  
  
Niall sighs. "Yeah that wasn't really the best feeling for a while."  
  
"I wanted to get better but I didn't have a lot of hope, you know?"  
  
"Honestly, I wasn't really planning to get better. I was waiting it out. Just kept imagining the burn of whiskey down my throat to get me through."  
  
Harry swallows hard. "You've asked me not to leave and I won't... but you have to promise me you won't go back to that."  
  
Niall breathes shakily. "I won't. I promise," he says, surprised to find he actually believes himself.  
  
Harry nods. "Good," he says, kissing him gently. "Now let's get showered and go to breakfast. My stomach will never forgive me if we try to survive on sweets and crisps another day."  
  
Niall cackles.  
  
\-----  
  
The day is nice enough that they head outside after breakfast.  
  
Niall sinks down against their tree, but Harry pulls off his socks and shoes and rolls up the legs of his trackies, picking his way carefully down to the creek.  
  
Niall laughs. "What are you doing?"  
  
"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm going in the creek."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Seemed like a good idea today."  
  
Niall laughs again. "You're ridiculous."  
  
Harry looks over his shoulder and grins at him before stepping into the water.  
  
He shivers a bit. "'s cold."  
  
"No shit."  
  
Harry sticks his tongue out at him before stepping out a little further.  
  
"Hey," Harry giggles. "There's little fish in here."  
  
Niall smiles fondly, watching Harry watch the fish. He has no desire to get in the water, but his heart feels light watching Harry enjoy something so simple.  
  
Harry reaches down after a moment, plucking something from the water. He finally seems to decide it's time to return to dry land because he turns around and heads back to Niall.  
  
His feet are covered in all manner of dirt and leaves and he's managed to get part of the trackies damp anyway, but he's grinning from ear to ear as he sinks down between Niall's legs.  
  
"Worth it?" Niall asks, wrapping his arms around him.  
  
"Mmhmm."  
  
He takes Niall's hand and turns it over, laying a smooth purple stone in it. There's little criss-crossing white lines on its surface and Niall thinks it's actually quite pretty.  
  
"For you," Harry says.  
  
Niall laughs softly. "Thank you. It's beautiful."  
  
Harry grins and tips his head up, kissing under Niall's chin before settling against him again.

\-----

 

On Monday, Niall brings his notebook with him to therapy. Since he already sang the song in group, he figures he might as well let Andrew analyze it now. It's not quite as frightening as he thought it would be. Niall knows what it says and he's confident in every line.  
  
When they're settled, Niall speaks.  
  
"I sang in group."  
  
"Ben told me."  
  
Niall flicks through his notebook, finding the proper page before passing it to Andrew.  
  
"If you want to read it."  
  
Andrew takes it from him, eyes skimming the page carefully before looking up. He contemplates Niall for a moment before speaking.  
  
"You love him," he says.  
  
"I do, yeah."  
  
"You told me last week you know what needs to be said."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Is that still true?"  
  
"Course it is. I know this is all too much too fast. I get it. I just... want him while I can have him, yeah?"  
  
Andrew looks back down at the lyrics. "'Don't you know you got the best of me?'" he reads before meeting Niall's gaze again.  
  
Niall breathes deeply. "I mean, he does. I'm not... I wasn't really planning to get better before he came along. I'd think every day about the bottle of whiskey on my bedside table and long for the burn of it down the back of my throat. When he came along, I sort of realized I could actually have a life outside the bottle. I found myself becoming a person who could deserve someone like him."  
  
"And if he's out of the picture?"  
  
"Well, now I know the sort of person I can be, yeah? I'm not who I was a few weeks ago. I don't even like who I was anymore. I don't... I don't think it will be easy, but I'm willing to work at this."  
  
Andrew seems to think over his words before he finally speaks. "I'm proud of you, Niall. I wasn't sure if you'd be ready to leave this week, but I think you might just be."  
  
Niall swallows hard. "Thank you."  
  
"We'll need to work on your coping strategies and get you a list of organizations that can assist you, things like AA. Are you still planning the move to London?"  
  
Niall nods. "If I can make it work, definitely."  
  
"I'll compile a list of places in Ireland as well in case you change your mind or the move takes a bit and you need support before you leave."  
  
"Thank you. I appreciate that."  
  
Andrew nods. "Of course."  
  
He passes the notebook back and types something into his laptop.  
  
For once, Niall doesn't care what he's typing. For once, he knows it's good.

\-----

 

Niall drops his notebook off in the room before heading to lunch.  
  
Harry's already at the table, the space beside him left open for Niall.  
  
Niall watches him for a moment. Harry has a grin stretched across his lips. Louis says something and Harry's head falls back in a laugh that Niall wishes he could hear over the cacophony of voices. It looks beautiful.  
  
When Harry calms, he seems to sense Niall's gaze. His eyes meet Niall's and his smile turns soft. He gives a little wave and Niall's heart surges as he returns it.  
  
He loves him. Inexplicably, irreversibly, and against all better judgement.  
  
His conversation with Andrew replays in his mind and he knows then that the only way to keep Harry is to lose him first.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall manages to stay composed during lunch, but he can feel the anxiety weighing down on him as soon as they're safely enclosed in their bedroom.  
  
He knows he needs to have a talk with Harry, but he's not sure how to approach it. They've never discussed future plans and there's a clear reason why. They've both been a mess, still probably are, in fact.  
  
He sighs as he settles on the bed with Harry, carding his fingers through Harry's hair.  
  
"Everything alright?" Harry asks.  
  
"Yeah," Niall says. "Just... Andrew told me I'll probably be released this week."  
  
Harry lifts his head then, smiling widely. "That's amazing."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Yeah. I guess. I just wasn't really expecting it, ya know?"  
  
Harry's brow furrows. "Do you not think you're ready?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "I am. I guess. On a level. Don't suppose I'll really know though until I'm back out in the world, ya know? I mean it's really easy to be okay here where there's no alcohol. But I have to go home and clean up my apartment. It's up to me to dump out every bit of alcohol left and not get tempted by the smell."  
  
"Can't you get someone to help you?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "Don't really have anyone but like... it kind of needs to be me, doesn't it? If I can't even handle that, can I handle the rest of the world? I already know I have to quit my job at the pub. That's... That's too much. But what about the pub I walk past on the way to the music shop? Or the beer at the Tesco? Or even..." he swallows hard. "Even the road my mum died on? What's going to be too much?"  
  
Harry gazes at him for a moment before kissing him softly. "Everything is going to feel like too much. It's how you handle it that matters. It'll get easier with time."  
  
Niall sighs. "I hope so."  
  
"I know so. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met."  
  
Niall swallows hard, searching Harry's eyes. "I really do love you, you know."  
  
Harry grins. "Yeah. I know."  
  
Niall laughs and Harry kisses it from his lips.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall speaks without prompting for the first time in group.  
  
"I found out today that I might be getting out this week," he says.  
  
"That's great!" Ben says. "How do you feel about it?"  
  
"Nervous. Terrified, really. But also... hopeful? And kind of proud?" Niall smiles slightly before he continues. "I didn't really think I'd survive this place, but I did. And I've made friends here, while sober so... I hope that bodes well out in the real world. I'm planning to move, start with a clean slate and just become whoever it is I'm meant to be now."  
  
"Do you have ideas on who you'd like to be?"  
  
Niall laughs. "Not at all. It scares the hell out of me... but it's also kind of nice. Liberating. Because at least I'm not who I used to be."  
  
"I think that's a wonderful outlook, Niall. Thank you for sharing."  
  
Niall nods. "Yeah. Thanks."  
  
"Proud of you," Harry whispers.  
  
When Niall glances over, Harry's smile is fond and Niall can't help but return it.

 

\-----

 

By the following morning, Niall still hasn't figured out how to talk to Harry but he knows he needs to since he's running out of time.  
  
He decides to bring it up with Andrew because, he supposes, that's what Andrew is around for.  
  
"I don't know how to tell him that I can't be with him yet," he says.  
  
"Yet?" Andrew prompts.  
  
Niall runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah. I mean... I'd like to give it a shot on the outside. I do love him. But now's... now's not really the time for it. I need to get better. Figure out who I am. And he does too. A relationship isn't fair to either of us. I can't... I can't have someone else depending on me yet. I'm depending on me and that's already too much sometimes."  
  
Andrew nods. "So why can't you tell him just that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Everything you just told me. Why can't you tell him?"  
  
Niall sighs. "I'm afraid he'll take it the wrong way. He's insecure and it makes him sensitive. I'm afraid he'll think I don't love him."  
  
"You have to talk to him. It's better to do it sooner rather than later. If it does go wrong, you'll have time to fix it before you leave."  
  
Niall chews on his lip. "I'm really getting out of here this week?"  
  
Andrew nods. "Friday, most likely."  
  
Niall swallows hard. "I'll tell him tonight."  
  
"Good plan."  
  
\-----  
  
Niall skips lunch. He knows that's usually a warning sign to Harry that he's got a lot on his mind but... he's got a lot on his mind.  
  
He settles on his bed and turns on his iPod. He grabs a pack of Maltesers leftover from their day in bed and opens it, popping them in his mouth absentmindedly.  
  
He knows he should just be honest with Harry. The problem is, it scares the hell out of him. Despite being afraid of hurting Harry, there's still a tiny part of him that wonders if Harry does actually want to be with him in the real world or if he's just needed Niall to help him through his stay here.  
  
He glances over at the rock on the bedside table, remembers how pleased Harry was when he found it and gave it to him. It was so simple and yet, Niall knows it was Harry's way of presenting him with a token of affection since they don't exactly have access to a real store. He'd seen it and thought of Niall. That's all that matters. Deep down, he's sure Harry's feelings must be real.  
  
Niall sighs, turning his gaze to the ceiling, wondering why they couldn't have met under normal circumstances.  
  
\-----  
  
When Harry returns, his smile is wary as he shuts the door behind himself.  
  
"Hey. Everything alright?"  
  
Niall chews on his lip, sitting up slowly.  
  
"Can we talk?"  
  
The smile slips from Harry's lips. "Okay..."  
  
Niall tucks his legs under him and Harry sits at the foot of the bed, facing him.  
  
"What's going on?" Harry asks. "Are you okay?"  
  
Niall nods, looking down at the bedding for a moment to compose himself. He breathes in deeply before looking back at Harry. There's a furrow to Harry's brow but no indication that he knows what's coming.  
  
"I love you," Niall says.  
  
Harry frowns slightly. "I love you too."  
  
"That's... That's why I can't be with you right now."  
  
Harry's eyes widen slowly.  
  
"Please don't take this the wrong way. Please," Niall continues. "I love you. More than you could possibly imagine but... now is just not the time for us. Maybe... Maybe someday in the future when we're settled in our new lives, we can try again."  
  
Harry continues to gaze at him but doesn't speak.  
  
"Please say something," Niall says, voice catching slightly in his throat.  
  
"What do you want me to say?" Harry says quietly, surprising Niall with the sharpness of his tone.  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
"What do you want me to say?" Harry repeats. "Because you seem to have it all figured out for us already."  
  
"What?" Niall says, feeling tears sting his eyes. "Harry, no... I didn't mean it like that."  
  
"Didn't you?" Harry stands from the bed, towering over Niall. "You made all these plans without asking how I felt. Do you even care? I want to be with you, Niall."  
  
"I-I want to be with you too." Niall wipes at his eyes, trying to maintain his composure.  
  
"Yeah. 'Some day in the future'. Sounds lovely. Send me a postcard from wherever you end up and we'll chat."  
  
With that, Harry storms out, slamming the door behind himself. Niall gapes at the door until the tears blur his vision and he buries his face in his pillow, sobs wracking through his body.

 

\-----

 

Niall manages to drag himself out of bed for group. He knows he needs to, if only to keep proving that he's making progress. His heart sinks when Harry doesn't show.  
  
Niall doesn't speak, but when it's over, he waits until the room is clear before approaching Ben.  
  
"Everything alright, Niall?"  
  
"Please don't punish Harry."  
  
Ben’s brow furrows. "What?"  
  
"I know you're supposed to give double chores for skipping group but... it's not Harry who should get them. It's me."  
  
Ben eyes him curiously. "And why is that?"  
  
"I hurt him. I... I really hurt him. It's not his fault."  
  
Ben nods, seeming to think it over. "It's very big of you to admit that. I'll let it slide this once on the grounds that you fix your mistake."  
  
Niall nods. "I will. I promise."  
  
"Good." Ben assesses him again before speaking. "I'm impressed, Niall. I wasn't sure you'd make it. I've never been happier to be proven wrong."  
  
Niall swallows hard. "Thank you," he says quietly.

 

\-----

 

Niall heads back to the room, but he's not surprised to find that it's empty. He knows where Harry is, though he's not sure he has any right to seek him out just yet. Harry needs his space and Niall needs to think through his words so he doesn't fuck it up again.  
  
It's then that he starts to realize what he needs to do. He grabs his notebook and pen and gets settled, chewing absentmindedly on the pen as he thinks.  
  
The words don't come as easily this time. Everything feels a bit cluttered in his head. He hadn't wanted to put off speaking to Harry, but maybe he'd rushed it.  
  
He sighs, laying back on the bed. Maybe this is his first test.  
  
\-----  
  
Harry's not at dinner, which makes Niall's stomach twist. It feels like Harry's regressing and it feels like his fault.  
  
He manages to eat, only because he skipped lunch, but when he gets back to the room and Harry's still absent, he feels a bit sick.  
  
He can't even bring himself to listen to music. That was his way to relax with Harry. It doesn't feel right now and the room feels cold and empty.  
  
He curls into himself and tries to unclutter his thoughts to work on his song but he still comes up short.  
  
\-----  
  
Just before lights out, the door opens and Niall sits up quickly.  
  
Harry stands in the doorway for a moment, just gazing at him.  
  
"Harry..." Niall starts.  
  
Harry holds up his hand. "Don't."  
  
Niall swallows hard and Harry shuts the door behind himself before settling into his own bed, back to Niall. It hurts far more than Niall expects it to.  
  
He feels tears sting his eyes as he curls up in his own bed, back to Harry.  
  
\-----  
  
In the morning, Harry's gone before he wakes up. Niall isn't in the mood for interacting at breakfast, so he stays in the room and works on their junk food stash again.  
  
He cracks open his notebook and the blank pages taunt him. He shuts it again and just lays on his bed until it's time for therapy.  
  
\-----

 

"I hurt him," Niall says once he and Andrew are settled. "I really really hurt him."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I told him we couldn't be together right now and the way I said it... he thought I was breaking up with him. I guess I kind of was, but I didn't mean for it to be permanent. He was hurt that I made the decision without him though."  
  
"Do you still think it's the right decision?"  
  
Niall swallows hard. "That's the part I feel guiltiest about. I want to apologize, but I also need him to see that I'm right."  
  
"Do you know what you want to say?"  
  
Niall shakes his head. "I've tried writing him another song, but I can't find the words."  
  
"Think it over. I know you'll figure it out."  
  
Niall breathes out a sad laugh. "Thanks. I hope so."  
  
\-----  
  
Niall's heart sinks when Harry's not at lunch. He knows he needs to fix everything soon before Harry sinks into a depression he can't escape from.  
  
It's a lot of pressure, more than Niall feels prepared to handle.  
  
He grabs his notebook and retreats to the music room after lunch. He strums idly at the guitar and tries to sort through his thoughts.  
  
The one thing he knows for sure is that he wants to be with Harry. He just needs some time for himself first.  
  
It's not much of a start, but it's enough. He cracks open his notebook and begins writing.  
  
\-----  
  
He's relieved that Harry's in group, though he's not in his usual spot and the chairs on either side of him are taken. It stings and the feeling only gets worse when Harry refuses to look at him.  
  
Niall stays quiet and so does Harry. At the end, Harry flees the room before Niall can even attempt to talk to him.  
  
Niall sighs and heads to the music room, working on his song until dinner.  
  
His hands are cramped and something still feels not quite right about the song. He can't even begin to concentrate on the conversation at dinner because the lyrics just won't stop nagging at him.  
  
"You ok, Niall?" he hears from beside him, snapping him out of his daze.  
  
He looks over at Jade, her brow furrowed in concern.  
  
"Yeah. Fine."  
  
"You've been quiet."  
  
Niall sighs, dropping his gaze to his plate and poking at his food with his fork.  
  
"Just got a lot on my mind. I'm getting out soon."  
  
"That's great! I'm happy for you."  
  
Niall breathes out a laugh. "Thanks. I just... wish I didn't feel so... I don't know... I'm not lost I just don't know where I'm going." He pauses, thinking over his words. "Fuck, I have to go. Thanks, Jade," he says as he stands.  
  
"Yeah..." Jade says, brow furrowed in confusion.  
  
Niall tosses his food and hurries to the music room, thankful that it's empty because everyone is at dinner.  
  
The words rattling around in his head suddenly make sense and they flow from his fingertips, through the pen, and finally _finally_ onto the lines in his notebook.

 

\-----

 

It's dark by the time Niall is finished. A few people have trickled in and out of the music room but he's paid them no mind.  
  
He debates waiting until the following day to play the song for Harry, but knows that he can't. It's their last full day together and he doesn't want to waste a second of it.  
  
He takes the guitar with him back to their room, not surprised to find that it's still empty.  
  
He rests the guitar on the floor against the bed and cracks open the notebook, concentrating on perfecting the words while he waits for Harry.  
  
It's not until just before lights out that Harry returns to the room. He doesn't even look at Niall, just climbs into his bed and curls up with his back to him.  
  
Niall chews on his lip. He grabs the guitar and gets settled.  
  
"I don't know if you're still awake," he says quietly. "I assume you are. I hope you are. I... I know I fucked up. I wrote you another song. I'm not the best at talking about my feelings all the time. Turns out, I'm better at singing them."  
  
He takes a deep breath and begins.  
_  
I've got a young heart  
And it's wild and free  
And I don't know where it starts  
But it ends with you and me_  
  
  
Harry doesn't move during the song, never gives any indication that he's listening, but Niall sings anyway.  
  
When the song finishes, Niall feels tears sting his eyes. He wipes at them and sets the guitar aside before looking over at Harry.  
  
Harry still hasn't moved. Niall feels his heart clench. He curls up with his back to Harry and squeezes his eyes shut, crying softly.  
  
Harry's only in the other bed and Niall already misses him so much it hurts.  
  
\-----  
  
Niall wakes to the trumpets and rubs at his eyes. His head feels heavy and he feels a bit nauseous.  
  
He takes a deep breath and forces himself to look at Harry's bed. It's empty and Niall's heart sinks.  
  
He pulls himself up to get showered and hangs out in the room until it's time for therapy.  
  
He brings his notebook with him and once he and Andrew are settled, he wordlessly hands it over.  
  
"Did it work?" Andrew asks after he reads it.  
  
Niall shakes his head. "He didn't say anything when I finished. I don't even know if he was listening. I just... I really thought I could get through to him."  
  
"Maybe he needs some time to think."  
  
"Maybe," Niall says quietly. "But I can't hang all my hope on it. I have to just... work on moving on."  
  
"How do you feel about that?"  
  
Niall shrugs. "Not sure. Bit unprepared, I guess. I thought I'd have something more to work towards when I got out but this really is about me, ya know? I guess maybe this is a good thing. I don't know. I can't... I can't depend on other people to be there for me."  
  
"Do you still think you're ready to get out of here?"  
  
Niall nods. "I'm just sad." He feels himself tearing up and he wipes at his eyes. "I thought we had a chance and now..." he shrugs. "The future just looks a little different, I guess."  
  
"Will you try talking to him again?"  
  
Niall shakes his head, sniffling softly. "He has his own things to work through. I would never pressure him into something he doesn't want. I said my piece and... it's done."  
  
Andrew is quiet for a moment before he speaks.  
  
"You'll get through this, Niall. I have faith in your ability to handle it. Focus on the plans you had for yourself. You needed your space and you have it. It may not be in the way that you wanted it, but there are some things in life beyond our control and it's good that you're recognizing that. Take this as your first lesson in your new, sober life and keep moving forward. You'll find your strength."  
  
Niall swallows hard and nods. "I know," he says quietly. "I just really love him."  
  
"I know."

\-----

 

After lunch, Niall heads up to the room to think.  
  
It's empty, of course. Harry wasn't at lunch either.  
  
Niall spies the guitar still leaning against his bed. He supposes he should bring it back to the music room. Instead, he picks it up and begins plucking at it, just letting the soft notes soothe him.  
  
He thinks about Harry and he thinks about life and he ends up writing a song that no one will ever hear, about the flicker of hope he doesn't want to let go of.  
  
\-----  
  
Later that evening, Niall realizes that he is, in fact, leaving the following day. Andrew had confirmed it towards the end of their session. Niall is free to go after group.  
  
He thinks over his options for getting home. It's too far for a cab. It would cost him an arm and a leg.  
  
He immediately rules out his father and brother. He doesn't intend to speak to them anytime soon. His friends are all pretty sloppy drunks most of the time, which is the last thing he needs right now.  
  
In the end, he calls Bressie.  
  
His heart pounds hard in his chest as the phone rings.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey... Bressie, it's Niall."  
  
"Niall!" He sounds surprised. "How are you?"  
  
"Good... I'm... I'm good. I'm... uhm... getting out of here tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd be able to pick me up."  
  
"Yeah. Of course. What time?"  
  
"Three thirty. And please, don't tell my dad? Please? There's a lot I can't forgive him for yet. I need my space."  
  
There's a pause before Bressie speaks again.  
  
"Listen, Nialler... I'm sorry for the things I said, yeah? I won't tell your dad. Just promise me you're really working on getting better now."  
  
"I promise. And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped so easily."  
  
"It's ok. I'll see you tomorrow. We'll talk more then, alright?"  
  
"Yeah. See ya."  
  
They hang up and Niall sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face. He can't help but be wary of what the future has in store for him. Whatever it is, he's got a long road ahead of him.

\-----

 

Niall's already in bed with his back to the door when Harry finally returns to the room for the night.  
  
He swallows hard, listening to the sound of the door closing and the soft pats of Harry's feet on the floor.  
  
Something in his chest clenches and he finds himself fighting back tears. Harry's so close and already so far from him. He can't bear the thought of this being the last night he ever spends with Harry.  
  
He rolls over, not surprised to find that Harry's already settled in with his back to him.  
  
Niall wipes at his eyes.  
  
"Is this how it ends?" he asks. "Is this really the end of us?"  
  
Harry doesn't say anything. Niall wasn't expecting him to, but it still hurts.  
  
He waits another moment, taking in a shaky breath.  
  
"I'll love you forever, Harry," he finally says softly before rolling over to face the window again.  
  
He curls tighter into himself and lets the tears fall, burying his face in his pillow to muffle any sounds.  
  
He hears shuffling from the other bed and tries desperately to get himself under control. The last thing he wants is to annoy Harry.  
  
The other bed creaks and Niall feels his heart start to pound in his chest.  
  
His own bed dips and he freezes.  
  
Harry's arm slides around his waist and Niall breaks, sobs shaking through him.  
  
He rolls over and clings to Harry as tightly as he can, tucking his face into his shoulder. Harry holds on just as tight and Niall feels his body shake against him as he starts to cry.  
  
Niall lets himself feel everything, from the death of his mother to the entire rollercoaster of emotions he's gone through since he landed himself in rehab. He cries for every version of himself he's been in the last two years.  
  
When he's finally cried until he can scarcely breathe, he brings himself back down and just clings to Harry, falling quiet.  
  
Harry sniffles, starting to calm as well. Niall can tell his breathing is still a little off, but he's quiet, his hands still clenched in Niall's shirt.  
  
Niall swallows thickly. "It's not permanent. I just need time to make sure I'm the person you deserve."  
  
"I know," Harry says. "I need to work on myself too.  
  
"We aren't strong enough for each other yet but we will be."  
  
"I know."  
  
They're quiet for a moment. Niall finally lifts his head to gaze at Harry. It's dark but he can tell his eyes are puffy and his face is splotchy. Even when he's a mess, he's still the most beautiful person Niall's ever seen.  
  
"I love you. No matter how far apart we are or how long we're apart, that will never change. Please don't ever think that would change."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Niall brushes his fingers over Harry's cheek, leaning in to kiss him softly.  
  
His lips are warm and soft. Niall realizes then just how much he's missed the comfort of their intimacy.  
  
When he pulls back, he tries to smile, for both their sakes.  
  
"Let's get some sleep now, yeah? We'll talk more tomorrow."  
  
Harry nods and they shift together until Harry's head is pillowed on Niall's chest, the familiar weight soothing Niall to sleep.  
  
\-----  
  
In the morning, Niall wakes slowly. It takes a minute for the events of the night before to return to him but when they do, he clings tighter to Harry, feeling Harry's hand squeeze his waist where it rests.  
  
"Morning," Niall says quietly, once the trumpets have faded away.  
  
Harry shifts, lifting his head to look at Niall.  
  
"When are you leaving?"  
  
"Right after group."  
  
Harry swallows hard. "Are you going back home?"  
  
"For a bit, yeah. To wrap some things up. I'll be headed to London as soon as I'm able."  
  
Harry nods. "I have a place in London. Just... for the future, I mean. I'll probably go to LA when I get out. There are a lot of things I need to sort through. Most of my career decisions happen there. I'd... I'd like to go on tour again but there are meetings upon meetings to get through first. I can settle in London more when we're ready. If that's where you want to be."  
  
Niall grins. "I'd like that."  
  
Harry smiles and the flicker of hope ignites in Niall anew. They're going to be just fine.

 

\-----

 

**Epilogue**

Niall finds himself standing in the middle of his living room for the first time in a month. It feels strangely lifeless.  
  
Bressie had offered to come in with him for a bit, but Niall had insisted it was something he needed to face alone.  
  
He's not so sure it was the right decision anymore.  
  
He swallows hard, carrying his bag into the bedroom and setting it on the bed.  
  
He spies the half-empty bottle of whiskey on the bedside table and feels his heart start to race.  
  
He doesn't want to drink. He knows deep down that he doesn't. But the fact that it's sitting right there, the fact that he can just reach out and take it...  
  
Niall runs into the bathroom, throwing up until he's just dry heaving.  
  
He collapses against the wall and shuts his eyes, cool beads of sweat trickling down his skin. He's got a long road ahead.  
  
\-----  
  
He doesn't know how long he sits on the floor for, just thinking about the bottle and all the shit that stupid amber liquid has put him through.  
  
When he finally drags himself up, he knows he needs to get rid of it sooner rather than later. He can't let it taunt him like this. He's stronger than this.  
  
He shuffles into his room, eyeing the bottle for a moment before grabbing it and heading into the kitchen.  
  
He cracks it open, the sharp scent filling his nostrils. He gags, turning his face into his arm to try and lessen the smell of the alcohol as he pours it down the drain.  
  
He bins the bottle and decides that's as much as he can stomach for one day.  
  
\-----  
  
Waking up without Harry is more jarring than he expects it to be. Weirdly enough, so is waking up on his own instead of to the sound of trumpets blaring over the speakers.  
  
He's amazed to find that he slept until noon.  
  
There's a list of things he needs to get done, but at the top, he soon finds, is grocery shopping.  
  
His fridge is all alcohol, moldy cheesy and chunky milk. His pantry and cabinets have various ridiculous snack items but nothing that could qualify as legitimate food.  
  
He eats his cereal dry and takes the bus to the store. Driving school to get his license restored is, unfortunately, another thing on his list.  
  
\-----  
  
It takes him two more days to get up the courage to dump the rest of the alcohol. He throws up twice in the process.  
  
\-----  
  
He's been out of rehab for a week when he returns to work at the music shop. He's already quit his job at the pub. That was an easy decision.  
  
The music shop is strangely warm and familiar. It turns out, they've been told (by his father, of course) that he was sent to a fancy hospital in England to recover from his wreck. There's no judgement for what actually happened because they don't know.  
  
Niall feels guilty. He can't bring himself to correct them though.  
  
\-----  
  
He thinks about his mother constantly. She's a pretty common theme in his support group sessions and his regular therapy sessions.  
  
He still can't bring himself to drive down the road she died on and it takes him until the day before he's set to leave for London to visit her grave.  
  
It's a small cemetery, but it's a small town too. There's a little path up the middle that winds around and down a hill and Niall's hands start to shake as he comes within sight of her headstone.  
  
He stops for a moment, taking a deep breath before proceeding.  
  
He sets the flowers he's holding on the ground in front of the headstone, reaching out to brush his fingertips over her name.  
  
"Hey, Mum. I'm sorry I haven't visited." He feels tears sting his eyes and he settles on the ground, facing the stone, trying to compose himself so he can get through this.  
  
"I've been through a lot, but I guess you know that. I really need you right now. I need your hugs and your smile... your laugh. Fuck, you had the best laugh. I can't hardly remember it now and I hate that. It was always one of my favorite things about you." He breathes in deeply and wipes at his eyes. "Anyways uhm... I'm moving to London. Starting fresh. I came to say goodbye because I never really did before and I don't know when I'll be coming back. Maybe never. I hope you can understand. I need... I need a chance to be the son you always thought I was. You always believed in me even when it was crazy for you to." He lays his hand against the stone, thumb brushing over it. "You were the best mum a boy like me could ever ask for. I'm so sorry for everything."  
  
He hangs his head and shuts his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks. He still hasn't forgiven himself and he's not sure he ever will.  
  
\-----  
  
London is far bigger and far louder than he remembered but he likes it. The ridiculous number of people makes him feel anonymous and it helps him believe he's got a real shot at a fresh start.  
  
He finds another music shop and through some miracle he doesn't quite understand, he lands a midnight on-air host spot at a small radio station.  
  
It's not much, but it's a better start than he ever dared hope for.  
  
\-----  
  
"Up next, we've got a song from one of my favorites... Harry Styles," Niall says into the mic. He presses the button and settles back in his chair.  
  
There's not a day that passes that he doesn't think of Harry. A small part of him regrets letting him go so easily but he knows deep down that it was the best decision for both of them. It doesn't mean it hurts any less.  
  
Harry's put out another album and it gives Niall hope. He's listened to it so many times, he's lost count. It's probably the best album he's ever heard, but he might be biased.  
  
As the song fades out, Niall grabs his notes and switches the mic back on.  
  
"Again, that was Harry Styles with Sign of the Times. Speaking of Harry..." Niall reads the memo and breathes out a laugh. "He's just announced dates for his new tour. Tickets on sale this Friday, 10am local." He pauses, knowing that there's dead air but he needs a second. He takes a deep breath. "Harry, if you're out there, I'm proud of you. And to our listeners, I better see you at the London shows."  
  
\-----  
  
A few days later, Niall's heading into work when he spies a young woman waiting outside the building.  
  
His brow furrows as he approaches her.  
  
"Are you waiting for someone?" he asks.  
  
"Are you Niall?"  
  
"I am."  
  
The woman takes a deep breath. "I'm Gemma. Harry's sister."  
  
Niall's eyes widen. "Gemma. Hi. Uhm... Did you want to go inside?"  
  
Gemma shakes her head. "I can't stay long." She shifts nervously, looking away for a moment before looking back to him. "You should see him," she says. "For the first time in years, I finally feel like I have my little brother back. I don't know what role you played but... I know you're important to him and I know you love him. So thank you. Thank you for loving him when I don't think he even loved himself. Thank you for helping him realize that he deserves the world. Because he does.” She tears up, blinking to fight it back but a stray tear escapes and she brushes at it before continuing. "You didn't know him before... People did a number on him. But now... He's so beautiful, Niall. He's so... alive." She wipes at her eyes again. "Thank you."  
  
Niall is a bit stunned and he thinks over his words before he speaks. "He changed me too, you know. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him."  
  
Gemma swallows hard. "He's a good kid."  
  
Niall nods. "He is."  
  
Gemma nods, assessing him for a moment before she speaks again. "He wanted me to give you something."  
  
Niall waits as she digs in her purse and finally extracts a lanyard with a plastic card attached, handing it over.  
  
It's a backstage pass for Harry's first London show.  
  
Niall stares at the picture of Harry. He's dressed in a brightly colored floral suit, hair a wild mess atop his head. He's singing, eyes shut and a furrow to his brow. He's breathtaking.  
  
It takes a second before he looks up at Gemma again.  
  
"Thank you," he says quietly. "Tell him I'll be there."  
  
Gemma nods. "I will."  
  
They gaze at each other for a moment before Gemma finally nods again and heads off. Niall watches her climb into her car and drive away then returns his attention to the pass in his hand.  
  
He grins, running his thumb over the words.  
  
_Harry Styles: Live on Tour_  
  
He laughs softly to himself and finally tucks the pass into his pocket, heading into work.  



End file.
